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What Obama Should Say Tonight


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mona-charen
National Review:

JUNE 15, 2010 12:00 A.M.
What Obama Should Say Tuesday Night

His response to the oil spill has left much to be desired; here’s how he could put himself on the right track.

My fellow Americans: Events of the past 55 days have taught me some valuable lessons about leadership and I’d like to share those with you tonight.

When the Deepwater Horizon rig blew up and spawned a terrible oil spill on April 22, my administration’s response was conditioned by decades of liberal and leftist thinking about business and government. My background in academia and community activism had never exposed me to the basics of making business decisions or to the fundamentals of a market economy. To the contrary, my friends on the left and I tended to see businessmen, doctors, bankers — pretty much anyone who made a profit — as selfish creeps. “There comes a point when you’ve made enough money,” I scolded, when urging passage of a financial-reform bill.

So when the oil spill became a national story, our instinct was to bash the company. “I am angry and frustrated that BP has been unable to stop the leak,” Interior Secretary Ken Salazar complained. “We’re 33 days in, and deadline after deadline has been missed.” Salazar seemed to believe that BP — which was losing millions of dollars a day, had lost half its market capitalization since April, and was potentially facing ruin if the spill could not be contained — somehow lacked a sense of urgency. “We’re keeping our boot on the neck of BP,” Salazar assured members of Congress.

Going beyond rhetorical overkill, Attorney General Eric Holder announced that the Justice Department had opened a criminal probe into the oil spill — though without offering a shred of evidence that any laws had been broken.

I piled on, offering that I would have fired Tony Hayward if he had been working for me, and allowing as how I was studying whose derriere to kick. And this leads me to the other problem with our approach.

Because my party and I have a quasi-religious belief in the power of government, I rushed to position myself as the responsible party in this crisis. “I’m the president and the buck stops with me,” I intoned. “It is my job to make sure that everything is done to shut this down. . . . I ultimately take responsibility for solving this crisis.”

That was foolish. Just as Jimmy Carter permitted the Iranian regime to take his presidency hostage by making the release of our diplomats his overriding, even obsessive concern, I have permitted this oil spill to swallow my presidency. In truth, I have no idea how to stop the oil spill (as I mentioned to Gulf coast residents), and I should have been more humble about what government can and cannot do.

We certainly can make a terrible situation worse — and I’ve become convinced that the arbitrary six-month moratorium on new deepwater drilling will further damage the already-reeling economies of the Gulf states and could result in the loss of 20,000 oil-industry jobs in addition to the losses being suffered in the fishing and tourism industries.snip
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shoutGeee!

 

My fellow Americans:

 

"Events of the past 55 days have taught me some valuable lessons about leadership and I’d like to share those with you tonight. I am unprepared to assume the position of President of these United States.

 

I thought that the responsibilities of this office would be manageable, but I now realize that I am unprepared to fullfil my promises that I made during the 2008 campaign and that they should never have been made.

 

After taling with hardworking Americans in the past year, I am convinced that carrying out the work of the Left has been and will be destructive to the Republic and to the founding principles that have made this country great.

 

Consequently, I am announcing my resignation, as well as those of Mr. Biden, Mrs. Pelosi and Mr. Reid. Mr. Frank and Mr. Schumer will be stepping down. And my entire cabinet is resigning as well.

 

As two last official acts I am vetoing the health care legislation that was passed tonight and announcing the immediate enforcement of illegal immigration laws patterned after the Arizona model, deporting every illegal in this nation today including my aunt.

 

We will then be turning over the reigns of leadership to Governor Chris Christie and Governor Sarah Palin in the interim.

 

Michelle and I will be attending to our personal affairs, trying to get our own lives in order and harmony, and seeing to it that our children are brought up to respect the founding principles and founding fathers of this great nation, studying what has made this country great and good.

 

Good night, and God Bless."

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SrWoodchuck

shoutGeee! Nice to have your name on a post again!

shoutPepper! Like it!

 

I had another version in mind:

 

To Whom It May Concern:

 

I know you'll all be shocked that I'm not here speaking to you yet again, but really, so many things have happened recently that I decided to leave this note instead. First, by the time you're reading this; I'll be in a rugged tribal area of Yemen. I'm leaving Michelle & the kids there with you, because...well I know you won't hurt children & Michelle is just a woman, and therefore subservient to men [she hates that kinda talk, hah]....and besides I yearn more, for the company of rugged, hairy, scary & smelly men.

 

Where to begin?

 

I guess I should say...yes, I am a Muslim, and have been using taqiya, since before I was an Illinois state senator, which is....whew....quite a few years. I've done as much damage to your country [and yes, I'm Kenyan/Indonesian] as I possibly can, without being tried for treason & executed. I'm leaving your foreign policy in shambles, your dearest allies [including those dam Joooos] ready to abandon you, your infrastructure in chaos, your banks tied in knots, your economy crippled by legislation & regulation, your citizens destitute & overrun by all the poor that your southern neighbors [Mexico & really all of Central America] can squeeze North. Where I saw brotherhood, I used my half-blackness & sowed race baiting hatred, where I saw openness, I obfuscated & roiled the fabric of American life. I set American against American.....in short, I accomplished my jihad.

 

I'd like to thank the people that made it possible to damage your country as much as I could & still get away: First, George Soros, thank you for hating American idealism & character, way more than I did, because without your connections, organizations & money, I wouldn't have been here. I know you were able to make a lot out of the economic chaos, but kudos are due. Second, all my Muslim brothers in every country of the world...Allahu Ahkbar! Your financing through my school years, and unflagging support, made me able to get up every morning & tear a little bigger chunk from great Satan. Thank you to my faithful cadre of "friends" and advisors; if it weren't for your great hatred of your native land, and it's citizens, I wouldn't have been able to dupe so many, so thoroughly. I know I'm leaving you behind to answer....and for that, hey....you're infidels!

 

I look forward to my new task of global jihad, in my new post as a secular & spiritual Imam! I don't have those dam Totii anymore, because I have plenty of swarthy mujahadin, with prickly beards, to attend to my every need & hold up those cue cards.

 

Sincerely, B. Hussein Soetoro Obama

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shoutGhost! Award for pithiest.

 

What Obama Should Say Tuesday Night .

 

two words.

 

I resign.

 

Might not even need a teleprompter for that

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pollyannaish

shoutpollyannaish

 

Good, but how about a slight amendment.

 

"Good bye, and good luck."

 

"Good night, and good luck."

 

Perfect.

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I would like to lay out our Battle plan going forward yuk phrasing

 

#1 To clean up

#2 To help our neighbors in the gulf

#3 To make sure a catastrophe like this never happens again.

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Tomorrow I will meet with the chairmen of BP to tell him he will (have to) put aside what is needed to compensate men and businesses.

 

Paging Obama, on your three part battle plan:

Where's the #1: STOP THE LEAKING WELL part???

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He's trying to catch up to the crisis so that he can take advantage of it.

 

I would trust any random bookie in the Northeast to do a better job overseeing the BP escrow account.

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Ray Nagin?????

There's a school bus on his desk.

 

:D

No way, really?

 

I've got my back to him, just turning to watch the fluttering hands.

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