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Today's Toons 8/23/21


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This Thread Brought To You By The Number 0: 

In Case You Missed It Dept.: 

New York Governor Andrew Cuomo brainstormed with his staff Friday to help him navigate through his sex misconduct crisis. He can't keep from grabbing women within reach. The Airline Flight Attendants Union just voted him Most Likely to End Up Duct Taped to His Seat on the Plane. 

Barack Obama hosted a sixtieth birthday party for himself at Martha's Vineyard on Saturday as friends, political allies and celebrities partied till dawn. Due to the Delta variant spread, it was reported that the party had been significantly scaled back. That means they told Cuomo to stay home. 

President Biden announced that 350 million Americans have been vaccinated Friday, which is 30 million more than the population of the U.S. It was an honest mistake. He was just trying to remind everyone the fact that he received 350 million votes for president, and that was just in Georgia. 

The White House said it's looking for legal ways to require vaccination Friday as indoor mask rules are re-instated. The Democratic states are slapping on new restrictions while cable news channels beat the drums of fear. There can be no mistake about it, Covid is mutating into the mid-term variant. 

The White House sidestepped media pressure to make vaccinations mandatory Friday saying the federal government doesn't have that much power. We're now averaging one hundred thousand cases a day. And that's just the number of sexual harassment accusations against Governor Cuomo. 

NBC News reported a national poll Friday saying Americans are not happy with the country's direction. Reasons cited are inflation, Covid, the border invasion and radical legislation. Last week, fifty-six percent of Americans said if a clown invited them into the woods, at this point they'd just go. 

South Dakota held its annual rally of tens of thousands of motorcycle riders this past week called the Sturgis Bike Rally. Bikers were jam-packed into one little town. However, to keep the CDC from calling it a super-spreader event, they changed its name to the Obama Birthday Bash West. 

The Olympic Games ended in Tokyo Sunday and the Olympic flag was flown to France where it will fly at Paris City Hall until the 2024 Games. To guarantee huge TV ratings, the IOC is going to add the Insurrection Competition and as a special favor to American TV audiences, the Karen Toss. 

Dr. Fauci ripped a biker rally in South Dakota as a spreader without ripping Obama's bash or Chicago's Lollapalooza. By now we know his act by heart. Be sure to get vaccinated or a vaccinated person might get sick from the virus that they got vaccinated against because you're not vaccinated. 

Governor Newsom's recall election in September is resulting in a flood of political TV ads by both parties starring dozens of fringe candidates. There's one ultra-conservative who promises California he'll cut the homeless in half, and he's holding a saw. He's ahead by 10 points in the polls. 

Dr. Fauci cited the Sturgis Bike Rally in South Dakota Saturday as a possible super-spreader event risking virus infections from the Delta variant. We can all learn to adjust. The Sturgis Bike Rally announced that next year's rally will be held on Martha's Vineyard so they won't be criticized. 

Nancy Pelosi ruled the Senate-passed $1.2 trillion infrastructure bill will not get a House vote until the $3.5 trillion reconciliation bill gets passed. Together, the two bills would hike the national debt up to $29 trillion. The United States hasn't been atacked by this many zeroes since Pearl Harbor. 

Governor Andrew Cuomo went on TV Tuesday and resigned amid embarrassment over sexual harassment claims against him. They were made by eleven women. The embarrassment is, only eleven women accusers does not live up to Democratic Party leadership standards established by Bill Clinton. 

Governor Andrew Cuomo addressed the cameras on CNN Tuesday and defended his behavior as that of an emotional Italian-American who loves to hug people and kiss people, claiming it's an ethnic tradition. Toward the end of his resignation speech, Cuomo started crying. Must be the mace. 

New York Governor Andrew Cuomo denied all wrongdoing in his resignation announcement Tuesday, but he won't leave office for another two weeks. So now it's a case of so many female staffers, so little time. If you thought Cuomo was handsy before, now it's a Going Out of Business Sale. 

President Biden told reporters that Governor Cuomo's resignation doesn't erase the good he's done. His legacy will live on. Already mountain sculptors in South Dakota are preparing to carve Cuomo's facial image next to Cosby, Weinstein, Clinton, Trump and Biden up on Mount Touch More. 

Governor Cuomo's staffer gave a TV interview this week and gave a detailed account of her charges against him. She wasn't the only woman to come forward to tell her story, Last night, Caitlyn Jenner told a press conference that over the years she had been groped repeatedly by Bruce Jenner. 

President Biden spoke to reporters Thursday and vowed to get inflation under control. Police in Laredo, Texas, apprehended a woman last week after she had shoplifted eight hundred dollars worth of steaks from a grocery store. The cops not only arrested her, they made her take back both steaks. 

Senator Rand Paul's eviction from YouTube for posting a video asking why vaccinated people must wear face masks indoors sparked an angry debate over masks. Last night a security guard at the grocery store asked me, where's my mask? I told him I'm still celebrating Obama's birthday. 

President Biden was shown on TV getting lost wandering the White House grounds Thursday looking for his way back to the Oval Office. As a comedian, I'm happy to stand up for the guy. Thanks to Joe Biden's fearless leadership. The only thing spreading faster than Covid is the Taliban. 

-- Argus Hamilton 


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1 hour ago, mass55th said:

Thanks for the Toons Pookie!! Have a great week!!

My pleasure & the same to you, mass55th!

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