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Today's Toons 10/19/20


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This Thread Brought To You By The Letter T: 

In Case You Missed It Dept.: 

The Daily Mail counted twenty celebrities so far who have vowed to move away from the U.S. if Trump gets re-elected. It's no great loss. I don't know why Americans would respect the political opinions of Hollywood celebrities when they can't even breed kids who can pass the SAT on their own. 

Joe Biden raised eyebrows during the debate when he distanced himself from the Green New Deal and refused to say if he would pack the Supreme Court. Biden looked into the camera and declared that he is now the Democratic Party. Then he leaned so far to the left he almost fell over. 

President Trump released a video from Walter Reed Hospital Saturday thanking everybody on both sides of the political aisle for their prayers and expressions of good wishes for his recovery. It's truly been bi-partisan. That morning he got a nice card from Hillary Clinton that read Stay Positive! 

President Trump felt his first Covid symptoms while returning to D.C. from a campaign rally in Minnesota. Oddly enough, the older of the two candidates keeps testing negative. Joe Biden may still have immunity from the Spanish Flu of 1918, the Plague Year of 1665 or the Black Death of 1350. 

The Wall Street Journal analyzed post-debate polls on the presidential race showing Joe Biden with an eight-point lead. Nevertheless, over sixty percent of people polled think Trump's going to win. Donald Trump is so far behind in the polls it reminds me of the night he was elected president. 

USA Today says that partisan anger is the highest ever measured in this year's election. The other night while I was jogging in Beverly Hills, I overheard an angry family argument raging through an open living room window. A teenager was telling his parents he's straight and Republican. 

Senate Democrats hinted they might pack the Supreme Court and make Puerto Rico and D.C. states as soon as they can in revenge for Trump nominating a Justice this close to the election. Under the Constitution, the winner of the Electoral College gets to nominate Justices to the U.S. Supreme Court, the winner of the popular vote gets to announce the weekend sales event at Chappaqua Toyota. 

President Trump checked out of Walter Reed Monday and took Marine One helicopter back to the White House after posting a video to the nation. He said he feels better than he has in twenty years. Due to President Trump's recovery from Covid, the flag outside CNN will be flown at half-staff. 

President Trump jumped in a Secret Service SUV and led a parade of security cars around the hospital to wave and thank all his well-wishers roadside. The media didn't join in the mood of generosity and joy. MSNBC called it an impressive line of black vehicles, only the hearse was missing. 

President Trump stood on the Truman Balcony for a long salute to his Marine helicopter after it dropped him off Monday. The media melted down over his theatrical return. CNN reporter Jim Acosta said Trump must be feeling better because the president offered to meet with him face-to-face. 

President Trump was pilloried for saying the flu was more lethal to young Americans under 24 than Covid, but CDC stats said he's right. I can't be the only one who can't wait for this year to be over. In the world of rock 'n roll, I see where Keith Richards just outlived Eddie Van Halen. 

Dave Gergen told CNN viewers that Trump is now jacked-up on steroids. Last month I was on steroids after a tooth extraction, and for a week I felt like a free-born American. When the steroids ran out I turned cable news back on and started wearing a mask again like an obedient people pleaser. 

Michele Obama posted a video unloading on Donald Trump accusing him of racism against black people. It's a remarkable charge, considering that she and Barack have a fifty million dollar deal with Netflix plus massive book royalties. Even the Obamas are doing better under Trump. 

CIA's John Brennan's notes were declassified, showing he told President Obama about a plan okayed by Hillary Clinton in 2016 to subvert Trump by faking a link to his campaign from the Russian security services. She's not out of the game. If Hillary wants to repair her image and make a positive contribution we should turn corona virus over to her and she can either arrange its suicide or delete it. 

President Trump scoffed at the Presidential Debate Commission's offer of changing his debate with Biden to a virtual debate. Imagine the reaction in the West Wing. The moment Trump was told the commission arranged a virtual debate, I would love to have been a fly on the vice president's head. 

CNN called Mike Pence sexist and racist for confronting Kamala Harris and disagreeing with her during Wednesday's debate. These are the times we live in. If you tell any woman in California she wasn't that skinny before the quarantine your cause of death will be listed as corona virus-related. 

Mike Pence shined in a VP debate we'll always remember because a fly stole the show. Cable news accounts differ, of course. Fox News said Pence stayed cool when a fly landed on his hair and sat there for two minutes, while CNN reported that some poor fly had Mike Pence stuck to its arse. 

Nancy Pelosi announced she wants to invoke the 25th Amendment to remove President Trump from power because his mental faculties are now impaired. It's America in a nutshell. President Trump has gone four years without starting any wars so Congress wants to have him Sectioned Eight. 

Governor Gavin Newsom ruled Friday that no neighborhood in California may re-open until all neighborhoods are safe enough from the virus to re-open. This state is insane. A member of Governor Newsom's staff just tested positive for Covid and Newsom is blaming it on global warming. 

-- Argus Hamilton 

(Thank you, TED)

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