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Today's Toons 9/28/20


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This Thread Brought To You By The Letter T:
(Thank you, cartoonist Rex May)

In Case You Missed It Dept.:

Bob Woodward's book Rage reveals President Trump told Bob on tape early on he knew how serious Covid was but didn't want to alarm the country. Woodward's appearance at this time is no accident. The Democrats are pretty much down to hoping Trump ordered a break-in at the Watergate.

Joe Biden hit Trump hard on his Bob Woodward chat Wednesday. Joe said Trump didn't alert the nation to the Covid danger loudly and clearly enough as soon as he learned how dangerous it was. After the speech, Biden received a stage note from Henny Penny, telling him to bring it in a little.

The Chicago Tribune reported the city of Chicago over the weekend had another twenty-nine people wounded in four dozen shootings, including nine people dead. It barely made the news. The CNN correspondent on the scene reported that the shootings and the murders were mostly peaceful.

The Justice Department is going to look into a story Friday that Robert Mueller's Russia probe legal team have erased everything on their phones. Ostensibly it's so their communications and political biases would never see the light of day. They did it on advice of their IT tech advisor, Hillary.

The National Football League season began in earnest with NFL teams playing each other for the first time after playing no exhibition games. The Democrats are getting a lot of free television publicity at today's games. All those empty seats in the stadiums look like a Joe Biden rally.

Podcast king and comedian Joe Rogan called for President Trump and Joe Biden to engage in a four-hour-long presidential debate on his show, and President Trump quickly accepted the offer. However, there is no way Joe Biden will agree to a four-hour debate. Depends are only good for three.

President Trump said he will announce his Supreme Court nominee Saturday. Here comes the circus. Likely Supreme Court nominee Amy Coney Barrett is already under fire from Democrats because, although she adopted two children from Haiti, she denies being African-American.

Joe Biden wore a mask while solemnly addressing a Democratic crowd that was also masked while an unmasked Trump addressed an unmasked GOP rally, which raises a question. Why are maskers still cussing out the non-maskers six months later? Shouldn't they be dead by now?

President Trump again offered to send federal law enforcement to Portland to put down the riots, which have a particularly Pacific Northwest flavor to them. The Portland mayor just ordered the police to stop using tear gas on the rioters. In addition, the pepper spray must be freshly ground.

Joe Biden called Trump a climate arsonist, blaming California wildfires on Trump's climate change denial. Paradoxically the wildfires could help Republicans win this election. For years Orange County was the state's only GOP stronghold but now every county is an Orange County.

Mike Pence and Joe Biden spoke at World Trade Center attack memorial ceremonies in New York. It's such a different, self-absorbed world today. If the 9/11 attack occurred today, half of L.A. would be staring at the smoke coming out of the Towers wondering if it was a boy or a girl.

President Trump applauded Israel and UAE on their historic peace deal. During the signing ceremony, CNN's headline on the screen read, Large Gathering at White House with Little Social Distancing. All this year, I find my desire to stay informed is at war with my desire to stay sane.

President Trump hosted a historic peace deal signing at the White House between Israel and the United Arab Emirates. He's clearly trying to get his name in the next version of the Bible. President Trump just duplicated the miracle of Hanukkah by making sure Israel never runs out of oil.

The National Football League games suffered much lower ratings Sunday in response to the BLM rituals during pre-game ceremonies. I get the feeling this isn't going to end well. I miss the good old days, when fans got upset when athletes scratched their crotch during the National Anthem.

Joe Biden was urged by Democratic Party pundits to get out of the basement and campaign on the road . Joe Biden chose to speak in a remote wheat field before sixteen people, and it was spooky. Those sixteen people were Ty Cobb, Babe Ruth, Shoeless Joe Jackson, Lou Gehrig.

Joe Biden made a Hispanic audience cringe by playing Despacito on his phone to the microphone and dancing around onstage for 15 seconds. Joe had no idea the song means make love to me slowly. Of course anyone accused of sexual assault can always learn to slow things down a little.

Los Angeles County Hospital was ringed with BLM protesters Monday chanting how glad they were that two L.A. sheriffs were inside wounded after being ambushed in their cars by a would-be assassin. BLM will be sued for chanting We Hope They All Die. ISIS claims trademark infringement.

The L.A. Sheriff challenged LeBron James to offer the same reward for the shooter of two L.A. sheriffs he did for another shooting. It just never ends. If I had to select one event that sums up the summer, it's when LeBron arrived at the NAACP Conference on Systemic Oppression in a Ferrari.

President Trump was ripped on CNN for continuing to refer to Covid-19 as the Chinese Virus. Let's all lighten up a little. The Chinese Virus, the German Measles and the Spanish Flu walk into a bar, but the bartender is not there, he's at home trying not to look racist.

Congresswoman Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez admitted in an interview that aired that her followers plan to push Joe Biden hard to pass Progressive measures if Biden gets elected president. You don't dare tell jokes about AOC here in Hollywood. I'm practicing Socialist distancing.

Joe Biden opened a speech to a Hispanic crowd Tuesday by grinning and aiming his phone at the microphone and playing an erotic Spanish love song. The crowd was stunned. All his life, Biden has tried to succeed in presidential politics and now that he has, it's a shame he's not there to enjoy it.

Joe Biden spoke in Pennsylvania saying he trusts scientists to discover a vaccine for the Corona Virus and he trusts the science, but he doesn't trust Donald Trump. He's getting more competitive and hostile as the race tightens up. Yesterday Biden challenged Trump to a two-hour nap.

-- Argus Hamilton


Joe Biden walks into a bank to cash a check. As he approaches the cashier he says, "Good morning, Ma'am, could you please cash this check for me?"

Cashier: "It would be my pleasure sir. Could you please show me your ID?"

Biden: "Truthfully, I did not bring my ID with me as I didn't think there was any need to. I am Joe Biden, the former Vice President of the United States of America !!!!"

Cashier: "Yes sir, I know who you are, but with all the regulations and monitoring of the banks because of impostors and forgers and requirements of the banking legislation, etc., I must insist on seeing ID."

Biden: "Just ask anyone here at the bank who I am and they will tell you. Everybody knows who I am."

Cashier: "I am sorry, Mr. Biden, but these are the bank rules and I must follow them."

Biden: "My goodness. I am urging you, please, to cash this check."

Cashier: "Look Mr. Biden, here is an example of what we can do. One day, Tiger Woods came into the bank without ID. To prove he was Tiger Woods he pulled out his putter and made a beautiful shot across the bank into a cup. With that shot we knew him to be Tiger Woods and cashed his check.
Another time, Andre Agassi came in without ID. He pulled out his tennis racket and made a fabulous shot; the tennis ball landed in my coffee cup. With that shot we cashed his check. So, Mr. Biden, what can you do to prove that it is you, and only you?"
Biden stands there thinking, and thinking, and finally says, "Honestly, my mind is a total blank, I have absolutely no idea what to do, I don't have a clue."

Cashier: "Will that be large or small bills, Mr. Biden?"


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Sad coda for the feared outcome of the election: "All his life, Biden has tried to succeed in presidential politics and now that he has, it's a shame he's not there to enjoy it."

Thanks, Pookie! (For the funny bits as well...)

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19 minutes ago, DrPatReads said:

Sad coda for the feared outcome of the election: "All his life, Biden has tried to succeed in presidential politics and now that he has, it's a shame he's not there to enjoy it."

Thanks, Pookie! (For the funny bits as well...)

My pleasure, as ever, DrPatReads!

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