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Today's Toons 9/21/20


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This Thread Brought To You By The Letter C: 

In Case You Missed It Dept.: 

Joe Biden flew to Kenosha Thursday and met with civic leaders and affected families to soothe tensions from the Antifa rioting. Joe shared his own personal stories to comfort the sufferers of Antifa violence. Biden fondly recalled the times when he was a child, and Aunt Tiffa was his Mammy. 

Washington, D.C. Mayor Muriel Bowser formed a task force to seek removal of the monuments to Washington and Jefferson due to slavery. Luckily, the monuments stand on federal land over which Mayor Bowser has no jurisdiction. I think the mayor should stop acting like she owns everyone. 

Governor Gavin Newsom warned Californians to keep the correct social distance from each other during holiday get-togethers last weekend. Over Labor Day, I got invited to a BBQ party on my building's roof in West Hollywood, but I didn't go, because I'm not sure I know what gender BBQ is. 

Portland riots entered their one hundredth day Friday with TV cameras covering the mayhem and arson and the haplessness. Did you see the protestor in Portland accidentally set himself on fire while lighting a Molotov cocktail? At what point did social justice become season five of Jackass? 

The Wall Street Journal predicted a knock-down drag-out campaign from now until Election Day full of bitter personal attacks and nation-dividing policy proposals. The candidates will be on the road non-stop. Joe Biden is accelerating his travel schedule this week, today he visits his kitchen. 

Joe Biden went into a personal attack on President Trump's character Friday while reacting to the Atlantic's claim that Trump disparaged U.S. war dead. Joe was doing a lot better in the polls when he stayed in the basement. The eagle may soar, but a weasel never gets sucked into a jet engine. 

The Atlantic says Trump ridiculed U.S. World War I dead in Paris in 2018. It's impossible for any Baby Boomer raised by World War II parents to say a thing like that. The Atlantic article is the craziest thing the media has made up about Trump since whatever it was they made up the day before. 

The NFL season begins with most teams allowing no fans due to state government-mandated shutdowns. They've destroyed sports and entertainment. I just hope for comedy's sake that when the vaccine comes out Trump makes it a suppository so he can tell West Coast governors where to shove it. 

The White House repeated its offer to send the National Guard to settle Portland. The district attorney in Portland responded that he will not prosecute anyone charged in the street riots. Only in America in 2020 can you get arrested for opening your business but not for looting one. 

Portland marked its one hundredth straight night of riots and arson, which was shown on all the cable news. A Portland protester who accidentally set himself on fire waved his arms in the air, resulting in his arrest for waving a fire arm. The CNN reporter noted it was a peaceful glow. 

The Washington Post reported New York's coronavirus infection rate has remained below one percent for over thirty consecutive days. Still there's no loosening of state restrictions on restaurants or clubs. Lately, when Covid is over sounds more and more like, when I win the lottery. 

The White House began directing political fire toward Senator Kamala Harris and her liberal voting record on the assumption that if Democrats win she'll succeed Joe Biden in office sooner or later. The succession issue can't be ignored. Joe Biden is so old, an ex-girlfriend once keyed his horse. 

Mitt Romney nagged Nancy Pelosi, posting a pic of his wife giving him a haircut at home. The clueless billionaire just reminded everyone that mask or no mask, at least Nancy put a hair stylist back to work for an hour. By the way Nancy did not say it was a set up, what she said was, set 'em up. 

A Fox News poll showed the presidential race is tightening in the battleground states with Trump and Biden tied, deploying different campaign strategies.Trump went to Florida and North Carolina, a double-stop. Joe Biden also did a double-stop, the medicine chest and the can. 

California wildfires remained burning out of control Tuesday along with brushfires in Utah, Nevada and riot fires in Portland. The good news is, there have been no calls to defund the fire department. A reporter asked Joe Biden for the best way to end all the burning, and he said penicillin. 

The Atlantic followed up on its Trump war dead disparagement tale saying their reporting has just begun. Get Trump! is now in its fourth hit year. We're a week away from hearing Trump once did a golden shower on a Purple Heart medal while singing Raindrops Keep Fallin' on My Head. 

Joe Biden went to Pennsylvania on Labor Day to campaign on a promise to return to funding environmental upgrades. While in Pennsylvania, Joe Biden repeated his pledge to increase money for the National Parks Service. Joe said nothing is more important than the people who park our cars. 

Senate Republicans failed to get the sixty votes they needed to pass their five hundred billion dollar pandemic relief bill. This was the second time in a month that lawmakers on Capitol Hill were unable to pass corona relief. Nancy Pelosi says it's being blocked by her hair stylist. 

-- Argus Hamilton 


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