Thoughts from the ammo line

[Valin]

Power Line

Scott Johnson

May 25 2018

Ammo Grrrll revisits the soundtrack of her road trip and gets real about those PROMISES, PROMISES! She writes:

Regular readers know that I recently made a long road trip. But, it really doesn’t matter if I’m only driving two miles to the Walmart — basically, I cannot drive without music.

My eclectic driving soundtracks range from Brahms’ Second Piano Concerto to Broadway show tunes to Toby Keith’s sensitive love ballad, “Get Out of Your Clothes or Get Out of My Car.” (Our son once told us that “if you want to clear the room of chicks” that the band Rush will do the trick. Similarly, if I want Mr. AG to leave the house, all I have to do is play Toby Keith’s Red Solo Cup. In fact, the mere THREAT to play it can shape him right up.)

 

(Snip)

And I am here, as a service to male love song writers everywhere to suggest more realistic promises to indicate undying love for your woman. The great Brad Paisley has already covered putting the toilet seat down. Here are just a few more ideas. Read and learn, fellas.

I will clean your Kimber 1911 with its 47 parts
And its special tiny takedown tool and springs that fly like darts.

I will do the taxes you detest, to rid you of your tension,
I already guessed you’d start too late, and filed for an extension.

I will ask if you are losing weight; though the opposite is clear.
And just to show I mean it, say: “Here’s a cupcake, dear!”

I will let you use the bathroom first when we get to a hotel.
No need to go in detail why, but to say it’s just as well.

 

(Snip)

But I digress. Women never sing songs promising proof of their love through triathalon-style physical challenges. And here – despite all the gender nonsense – we see a very basic difference between males and females. A love song aimed at men, promising the sun, the moon, the stars, will be an epic failure with its target audience. Men will say, “Hey, the sun, the moon, all that crap, love ‘em, babe. Oceans are cool, especially in the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit issue. But you know what would be really great? If you got naked!”

(Snip)

And the man will take notice and say, “What a great idea! Except how about we have the sex NOW and then maybe watch sports and eat? I mean, the game might be really good and we could get distracted and accidentally forget about the sex.”

It’s not easy to capture that kind of commitment to romance in a song.

 

_________________________________________________________________________________________

 

When a man says..

 

What we really mean is........