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Today's Toons 2/5/18


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This Thread Brought To You By The Letter T:



In Case You Missed It Dept.:


Democrats vowed no funding for the Mexican border wall again while the Republicans vowed to stall immigration reform again. We're all creatures of habit. Hollywood just nominated Meryl Streep for an Oscar for Best Actress for the twenty-first time and she wasn't even in a movie this year.


Fox News is airing a seven-part documentary series called Scandalous about the Bill Clinton sex scandals in the White House. This stuff didn't start with him. Any time Jackie Kennedy wanted to have sex with her husband she had to put on a blonde wig and wait her turn in the secretarial pool.


John Kerry hinted at a 2020 presidential run Wednesday, citing his experience as Secretary of State. He was unable to stop rocket attacks on Israel, or stop Russia's invasion on Ukraine, or halt the spread of ISIS in the Mideast. John Kerry couldn't stop a ketchup fight at a Heinz family picnic.


Wisconsin Senator Ron Johnson said there's a secret society of FBI and Justice Department people who tried to derail Trump. The FBI lost fifty thousand e-mails while investigating Hillary's missing e-mails. It's so easy being a comedian when you have the entire government working for you.


Fox News is running a week-long documentary series called Scandalous about Bill Clinton's rollicking years as our president. It was the golden age of comedy. It started his first day when Bill sent his new Oval Office desk back to the storage room because it didn't have enough head room.


President Trump enjoyed a hero's welcome when he arrived in Davos for the World Economic Forum. His tax cuts and regulations cuts have ignited commerce. Under Trump, even the old and unemployable are going back to work, including Murphy Brown, Roseanne and Will and Grace.


The Justice Department reported they were able to track down the missing texts by pro-Hillary FBI agent Peter Strzok, who vowed in other texts to bring down Trump even after he was elected. We all know how this ends. Good evening, this is the CBS Evening News with Peter Strzok reporting.


Robert Mueller asked to interview Trump in the probe into Russian collusion during the 2016 election. The Democrats' problem is that Trump didn't know enough about politics to do anything impeachable. To indict Trump you go after hotel fire code violations or teeing the ball up in the rough.


President Trump's State of the Union will lay out his legislative agenda before the Members of the House and Senate tonight. The president is expected to address some of his remarks to the gallery as well. The gallery is for bystanders and casual observers, but the Democrats have to sit somewhere.


President Trump's State of the Union will offer legalization to a million DACA aliens as part of bill to build a Mexican border wall. The opponents won't give up. The EPA is being petitioned to disallow construction of the wall because it would block the migration pattern of the Future Democrat.


President Trump plans to offer amnesty to over a million DACAs for a twenty-five billion dollar fund to build the wall, an end to the Visa lottery program, and limits on chain migration. The Obama administration's border control policy wasn't working too well. It was called the honor system.


Congressman Joseph Kennedy III was chosen to give the Democratic response to the State of the Union. His family motto is legendary. Some men see a woman sitting on a barstool at two o'clock in the morning on Good Friday and ask themselves why, I see the same thing and say, why not?


Scandalous is a seven-part documentary series airing on Fox News that details Bill Clinton's rollicking sex scandals when he was Arkansas governor and U.S. president. On top of all that, Newsweek reports the former president is now writing a crime novel. It's called My Life with Hillary.


CBS News conducted a flash poll after the State of the Union finding seventy-five percent of Americans liked Trump's speech. Rob Reiner heard of the poll while on MSNBC and he called him racist, sexist and misogynist. Rob got 12 years of paychecks when Archie Bunker acted that way.


President Trump's State of the Union was described as conservative by pundits afterwards. If you took a drink every time the Congressional Black Caucus stood up and applauded something Trump said in the speech, congratulations. You went to bed with one night of sobriety under your belt.


Massachusetts Congressman Joseph Kennedy III gave the Democratic response to the State of the Union speech to a college crowd in Fall River Tuesday. The grandson of Bobby Kennedy delivered a spirited speech in which he declared that there are two Americas. One of them is Mexico.


Congressman Joseph Kennedy III delivered a stem-winder of a speech in response to the State of the Union. He excoriated Republicans over low taxes, exclusionary policies, and their old-boy network. It's always enjoyable to hear a lecture by a Kennedy against wealth, privilege and nepotism.


President Trump addressed a bitterly divided Capitol chamber at his State of the Union speech Tuesday. It's weird when half the crowd is cheering and the other half is glaring. I get the same reaction when I tell a Hillary joke at the Comedy Store, and then they switch when I tell a Trump joke.


Hillary Clinton apologized for covering up the sex misconduct charge against her presidential campaign staffer, who was accused of harassment by a woman on Hillary's campaign staff. No one's that outraged at Hillary for covering up the man's sexual transgressions. Hey, we're all creatures of habit.


-- Argus Hamilton


After Trump's address, the Democratic rebuttal was given by Congressman Joe Kennedy. And this is how out of touch they are in the Democratic Party. They are like, "People are tired of the same old politicians. We need to give them someone new. Here's a Kennedy."


-- James Corden




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