My Predictions for 2018

[Geee]

PJ Media

t's time for me to peer through the veil of the future into the face of tomorrow in order to describe the features of the New Year. Here are some events that are approximately 97 percent likely to happen in 2018.
The Super Bowl will be played between the New England Patriots and some other team. Approximately 76 people will attend the game, but the audience will be boosted by the hundreds who tune in for its live broadcast on Spike TV. The halftime show will feature Chelsea Handler singing her new hit, "Screw You, America, And Your Stinking Flag Too," and will include a massive dance number representing the United States Army's oppression of indigenous peoples around the world. After the Patriots win, NFL executives will hold a meeting to discuss the mysterious decline in their ratings. They will conclude they need more outreach to transgender people.