Thoughts from the ammo line

[Valin]

Power Line:

Scott Johnson

May 3 2016

Ammo Grrrll asks a simple question: FIRST CLASS? She also gives Steve and me our shot at immortalization in poetry:

 

Sorry, dear readers. I simply cannot write about politics again this week without losing what’s left of my mind. I’ll be back again next week at Full Ferocity. Probably. Besides, my original mission, should I decide to accept it, was to be funny…

 

This column is brought to you by Delta Airlines. I also stipulate in advance that you may as well all begin making the universal hand sign of the world’s smallest violin playing “My Heart Bleeds For You.” I realize what follows will elicit no sympathy. But stay with me, friends, and try to grasp the full horror of an unsatisfactory First Class experience.

 

As you know, I had to fly back to Minnesota a month ago for my dear mother’s memorial service. That meant an extra layer of stress in an already stressful form of transportation. And this was even before the TSA decided to punish us for their flunking every security test. So, Mr. AG – normally a super-thrifty fellow – offered to pay the extra $250 to bump me up to First Class. My last First Class flight was on a fancy new plane with plush seats, movies, television shows, music, electronics plug-ins, and the like. Woohoo!

 

Well in advance, I chose seat 2C. I prefer the aisle and I like there to be a seat in front of me so that I can stick my “Go Bag” with my books, games and snacks under the seat.

 

When I got to the airport, I found that there had been an “equipment change.” Somehow I had lost my 2C seat and was now in 1C. Once before that had happened, and I was not even in First Class any more, but actually in Steerage! In a middle seat! Oh, the humanity!

 

(Snip)