‘Cause All I want for Christmas is: Bambi Fajitas

[Valin]

Townhall:

Humberto Fontova

Dec 26, 2015

 

Winter’s here along with the usual reports of an epidemic of deer-car collisions in the northeast. Few such reports issue from Louisiana, or Dixie in general. An incident a few years back helps explains why so few deer "problems" bedevil us in Dixie.

 

The Louisiana Department of Wildlife put a plastic deer with luminous eyes beside a well-traveled bayou highway, planning to stake the place out that night and maybe nab some night-hunting poachers. When they came back a little later for the actual stakeout, that deer was already ... remember Bonnie and Clyde at the end of the movie? Remember Sonny Corleone when they trapped him in that toll booth? Well, they got off easy compared to this deer. Plastic deer confetti is what the agents found. The thing had been blasted to smithereens by every caliber bullet and conceivable projectile. We take our cuisine seriously down here.

 

So the game agents came back with another plastic deer, put it out and stayed this time. The agents reported, about half the vehicles – everything from pickups to limousines – stopped and had a go at the deer with armaments ranging from standard rifles to shotguns to pistols to crossbows. One guy charged it with a pocketknife, cheered on by his wife. Another guy was observed belly-crawling toward the deer clenching a tire iron! The game agents said they almost needed respirators on this fascinating assignment. Their midriffs ached for days.

 

Amazingly enough, females make better deer hunters than males. Trust me here. I’ve witnessed it time and again. They’re more patient than males, pay more attention to detail and – seriously, according to medical studies – spot contrast and movement better than men.

 

(Snip)

 

Then I felt something tugging at my shirt ... huh? ... what? ... I awoke. "Dad! Dad!" a wide-eyed Monica hissed, pointing toward the left at a patch of briars…..Then I saw the tail flick. GEEZUZ! A DEER!

 

Monica ducked and covered her ears. He was probably 80 yards away but obscured by too much brush. The head came up and I saw little sprouts of antlers. Great, he’ll be good and tender. I was breathing in gasps. He took another step and his shoulder cleared the tree. BLAMMM!!

 

“YAAAY!” squealed Monica while high-fiving her still-shaking Dad. “Bambi Fajitas tonight!”