Read Your Damned Syllabus!

[Valin]

Townhall:

Mike Adams

Dec 21, 2015

 

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Welcome back to campus! I cannot believe it is already 2016. Before we get started this spring semester, I want to remind all of you to go potty before you come to class. I know that sounds like a strange request but there has been a recent outbreak of people getting up to go potty during my classes. In fact, it has been happening ever since I banned the use of cell phones. It is therefore reasonable to assume that when people get up to go potty in class they really aren’t going to the potty. They’re in the hall on the phone. So remember to shut off your phone and go potty before class begins. This is not a public high school.

 

Before the first class meeting make sure to find the class syllabus on the university website. Don’t email to ask me where the syllabus is located. It’s on our departmental webpage. Whatever you do don’t lose this email and then come up to me after class and say you can’t find the syllabus. If you do that I will hand you a box of tissues and a form that allows you to drop the class.

 

After you locate the syllabus, print it off and try not to lose it. While you’re at it I want you to actually read it because it’s really important. Let me elaborate with a little hypothetical: Imagine you’ve just accepted your first job after you graduate from college. After two weeks on the job you walk into your supervisor’s office and ask whether you have a health plan. After two months you walk back into his office and ask how much vacation time you have. There is one thing guaranteed to happen to you in such a scenario: You will get fired.

 

Trying to take a class without knowing the class requirements is every bit as self-destructive as trying to do a job without knowing the basic job requirements. This is important to know because people who have a grammar school mindset irritate their professors. Personally, I didn’t get a PhD to teach kindergarten. I did it because I wanted to debate serious ideas with serious people. It hasn’t quite worked out that way. Therefore, for your own good as well as my personal sanity, here is what I plan to do about it:

 

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[Valin]

 

H/T Tip Sheet