Today's Toons 6/11/18

[pookie18]

 

 

 

 

 

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This Thread Brought To You By The Letters C & L:

 

In Case You Missed It Dept.:

 

Harvey Weinstein's lawyer entered a not-guilty plea for his client Friday and he vowed to fight the sex charges. The New York tabloids revealed that Harvey attended a sex rehab this year located on the south coast of France. Only the French would have a sex rehab with a view of a topless beach.

 

A Little Caesars manager in Florida shot and killed a guy dressed up as a clown who attacked him with a pair of scissors in the restaurant. Reaction was swift. Starbucks just announced that scissors-wielding clowns are now welcome to use their restrooms without having to make a purchase.

 

Senator Bernie Sanders told a crowd Sunday that the U.S. government must offer government jobs to all at fifteen dollars an hour, including free health care and free community college tuition. His followers have no sense of humor. Jokes about socialism aren't funny unless everyone gets them.

 

The Hollywood Reporter interviewed Kathy Griffin Monday who said no one will hire her after she held up Trump's severed head last year. Things change. Kathy said that her career is in the worst shape of anyone else's career in Hollywood, prompting Roseanne to say, hold my beer!

 

The Golden State Warriors play the Cleveland Cavaliers for the fourth straight year after the Warriors beat the Houston Rockets Sunday. Houston missed a record twenty-seven three-point shots in a row. The Houston Rockets put up so many bricks, Trump's wall is now halfway to El Paso.

 

President Trump cited the FBI for planting spies in his presidential campaign. The Deep State plan appears to have been to make sure that either Hillary couldn't lose or Trump couldn't survive winning. Every time someone comes up with a fool-proof solution, along comes a more talented fool.

 

Secretary of State Mike Pompeo called for more religious freedom and human rights in North Korea Tuesday ahead of the anticipated US-NK peace summit. They have a three-generations-of-punishment law, which means if you commit a crime, your parents and grandparents also go to prison with you. When Nancy Pelosi heard about it, she applauded Kim for keeping families together.

 

Morgan Freeman's lawyer sent a detailed letter to CNN demanding they retract their story of his sexual misconduct. Eight women came forward in a CNN report and accused the movie star of sexually harassing them on the movie lot. At least now we know why Miss Daisy sat in the back seat.

 

President Trump ripped Chicago's mayor for the carnage on Memorial Day weekend. There were seven people killed and three dozen wounded by gunfire. In Chicago they have a separate Memorial Day weekend to honor the residents who didn't make it through Memorial Day weekend.

 

Barack Obama and Michelle Obama signed a movie and TV production deal with Netflix for around one hundred million dollars last week, on top of the sixty million dollar book deal they signed months ago. It's embarrassing to Democrats. Even the Obamas are doing better under Trump.

 

The Huffington Post reported a water conservation survey saying that a shower uses up twenty gallons of water and a bath uses fifty gallons. It seems everything is political. Last night the label on my body-wash said to use liberally so I stood under the shower and screamed about Russian collusion.

 

Starbucks shut down eight thousand stores Tuesday in order for trainers to conduct seminars for their workers. It taught them how to serve customers without any racial bias. Just yesterday a Starbucks manager broke up a chess game at one of the tables because white kept getting to go first.

 

Barack Obama and Michelle Obama signed a production deal with Netflix for one hundred million dollars, on top of their brand new sixty million dollar book deal. No faith has been broken with their followers. It's quite alright for Democrats to be rich as long as they feel just awful about it.

 

A New York grand jury indicted Hollywood producer Harvey Weinstein for rape and sexual misconduct by two women. His attorney assured reporters Thursday that they will prove these two women made everything up. Harvey wants the world to know that two of his eighty accusers are liars.

 

Samantha Bee apologized Thursday for going nuts on her talk show monologue and calling Ivanka Trump a feckless C-word for not convincing her father to ease up on his Mexican border policy. The difference between the worst thing you can call a woman and the worst thing you can say about black people, is that the worst thing you can call a woman allows you to keep your TV show.

 

Kim Kardashian posed for photos with President Trump in the Oval Office Thursday after she met with the president to lobby for prison reform. It's a cause that's clearly in her wheelhouse. The Kardashians have been excellent at reducing prison sentences ever since they got O.J. Simpson off.

 

USA Today reported that two mountain climbers were killed at Yosemite National Park Friday when they fell while trying to scale the very steep El Capitan. It looks like an impossible task. When Trump heard how hard it is to climb El Capitan, he suggested moving it to the Mexican border.

 

President Trump was blamed by many dissident NFL players Tuesday who claim he pressured NFL owners to vote to force players on the field to stand for the National Anthem before games. It's self preservation. The last president who encouraged an American to take a knee got impeached for it.

 

The Wall Street Journal reported Friday that Starbucks CEO Howard Schultz has decided to step down. His leadership brought tremendous success to Starbucks. Howard wants to spend more time at home with his family, and anyone else who wanders in off the street to use the bathroom.

 

Bill Clinton became defiant on the Today Show when he was asked about his impeachment on Monday. He insisted he was defending the Constitution during the Lewinsky scandal. And if getting oral sex from a girl half his age is what it takes to save our liberties then by God he would do it again.

 

President Trump held a rally touting the booming U.S. economy Tuesday. Sixteen months ago, jobless Democrats were marching up Wilshire shouting at cameras that Trump must be impeached. Today they're shopping on Rodeo Drive and shouting at their drivers that Trump must be impeached.

 

The White House disinvited the Eagles accusing them of partisanship Tuesday. So Democrats were forced to choose between wanting to get rid of the NFL due to head injuries and supporting the NFL because the players hate Trump. It was the second election Trump's won in eighteen months.

 

-- Argus Hamilton

 

 

[mass55th]

Happy Monday Pookie!! Thanks for the Toons, and have a great week!!

[pookie18]

2 hours ago, mass55th said:

Happy Monday Pookie!! Thanks for the Toons, and have a great week!!

You're welcome & the same to you, mass55th!