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Today's Toons 12/27/21


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This Thread Brought To You By The Number 0: 

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In Case You Missed It Dept.:  


Bing Crosby's White Christmas won a survey naming it America's all-time favorite Christmas song last week. However here in L.A., secular zealots are trying to get Andy Williams' Christmas recording of Do You Hear What I Hear banned from radio play. They say it's offensive to deaf people.  


Chicago Mayor Lori Lightfoot addressed Chicago TV cameras Tuesday and blamed the retail stores for the recent mobs of looters. You can't make it up. The mayor then mentioned that it was December 7th and reminded the city that there are only eighteen smash and grab days until Christmas.  


Jussie Smollett was found guilty of hiring Nigerians to stage a fake a hate crime against him in Chicago. Jussie testified the Nigerian body builder was his cocaine dealer who beat him up and had gay sex with him in a bathhouse. Never was a Hollywood actor better prepared to serve hard time.  


The Jussie Smollett trial in Chicago went to the jury Wednesday after attorneys finished arguing over whether he staged a hate crime on himself, just for the publicity. If I were the judge, and if the defendant is convicted, I would console Jussie Smollett by saying everybody makes mistakes. Don't beat yourself up.  


The Wall Street Journal reported district attorneys are under fire in liberal cities over their no-cash-bail policies. Last week the man who set fire to the Fox News Christmas tree in New York was released with no bail. The judge let him go quickly so that he can take over for Chris Cuomo on CNN.  


CNN's Chris Cuomo followed his brother Andrew to the unemployment line Monday, both out of work due to groping charges. It's a crime spreading rapidly in Democratic-controlled cities. Just yesterday in my living room, my Elf on the Shelf resigned over allegations made by my Tree Top Angel.  


Bob Dole got a laugh in his farewell note at his funeral saying he hopes heaven is as beautiful as Kansas and that he looks forward to voting in Chicago. The joke infuriated the social media mob for implying the last election was crooked. As a result, Bob Dole could become the only guy wounded by the Nazis while defending freedom and then kicked off Twitter for a joke he told at his own funeral.  


Ghislaine Maxwell's testimony this week may reveal names of the powerful political men who cavorted with Jeffrey Epstein and underage girls on Epstein Island. Imagine her jail security. On Friday Ghislaine got a nice buddy card from Hillary Clinton asking if she'd like to hang this weekend.  


The Los Angeles Police agreed to be on guard against people who'd stage fake hate crimes for the publicity. Last night, two men dressed as L.A. County Health Department officials beat me up on the sidewalk outside the Comedy Store. They put a mask on my face and said this is Fauci Country.  


President Biden struck again at a National Christmas Tree Lighting hosted by rap legend and NCIS star LL Cool J. The president addressed the crowd and praised LL Cool J as a great former football player who could still play. I lost ten dollars betting he would call him his great friend Barack.  


Master Class introduced a course to be taught by Hillary Clinton that's available to all online subscribers. It was the first time it occurred to me that Master Class could be a money laundering racket. At any rate the course Hillary will be teaching is called How to Make It Look like an Accident.  


CNN fired a producer who was arrested for criminal sexual misconduct on Monday. CNN just fired Chris Cuomo as host of Prime Time, and longtime host of CNN's daily newscast Brook Baldwin was forced out. The difference between CNN and the Titanic is, CNN had all its anchors when it sank.  


NBC News reports holiday cards might arrive late in the mail due to slow mail service coupled with a shortage of Hallmark cards at stores due to the supply chain backup. This year the holiday pace is bewildering. I cannot believe it's Omicron season already, I still have my Delta decorations up.  


- - Argus Hamilton  

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