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Today's Toons 8/9/21


pookie18
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This Thread Brought To You By The Letter R: 
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In Case You Missed It Dept.: 

North Korea's government announced plans Thursday to test-fire a giant rocket this weekend in preparation for a planned manned mission to the moon. The rocket is not the problem. The problem is, finding an astronaut who will go fly to the moon and then willingly return to North Korea. 

The White House attempt to clamp down on gun rights is taking shape in Senate confirmation hearings. The nominee to head the ATF said he thinks gun owners should only bring out their firearms when zombies start to appear. This caused the Secret Service to triple its protection of Biden. 

The White House floated the idea of government workers going door to door checking to see if you've been vaccinated. Volunteers are coming out of the woodwork to canvas neighborhoods. In Chicago, gang members are going door to door asking if you had your shot, and if not, they shoot you. 

White House Press Secretary Jen Psaki said the government is monitoring social media posts for vaccine information accuracy. The vaccine is harmless and everyone should be forced to take it no matter what rights the Constitution says you have. My name is Joe Biden and I approved this post. 

President Biden completely took back his criticism last week that Facebook was killing people Monday. He has never retracted any statement he has made before. I don't know how Facebook got Joe to do it, but at corporate headquarters, every office now has an original painting by Hunter Biden. 

The Cleveland Indians announced they've agreed to change the team's nickname to cave in to woke demands. The team will be known as the Cleveland Guardians. It's good thing for Cleveland fans that Kimberly-Clark, the last word in adult incontinence, went with Depends instead of Guardians. 

Mayor Lori Lightfoot told reporters Tuesday that white privilege is a contributing cause to the black-on-black gun violence in Chicago. Let's face it, life just isn't fair and certain privilege is real. Jeff Bezos had to pay millions of dollars to go to outer space, while President Biden is there every day. 

The White House defended Hunter Biden's right to sell his art at his art show in September to art collectors who might wish to remain anonymous. I think this will just invite shady people to try to buy access. Joe Biden just bought all of Hunter's artwork in hopes of a meeting with the president. 

The White House was hit by a poll saying Americans are pessimistic about the future. Reasons are urban violence, border chaos and Covid fear-mongering. An interviewer asked me my plans for the fall, and it took me a few moments to realize he meant autumn, and not the collapse of civilization. 

Critical Race Theory teaching came under fire from parents in Minnesota where teachers had asked students not to tell their parents what they're being told in class. The teachers are fighting against the clock. Scientists warn that within six months humanity will run out of things to call racist. 

The Wall Street Journal on Saturday quoted one scientist who warned that the vaccine itself is causing the virus to mutate into more resistant strains. A new strain of Covid reportedly makes you gain weight and can put up to sixty pounds on you. The CDC is calling it the Delta Burke variant. 

The Centers for Disease Control Director went on the air Tuesday to recommend once again that Americans living in hot spots mask-up indoors. It's bureaucratic thinking to the rescue. To defeat the Delta variant, the CDC recommended doing all the things that didn't work the first time. 

President Biden strangely began barking when a reporter asked him on the White House lawn about the border Sunday. I think that we're in the middle of a 12-year movie starring Trump, while Biden is the Intermission. Biden is the dancing hot dog on the screen singing, let's all go to the lobby! 

-- Argus Hamilton 

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4 minutes ago, mass55th said:

Thanks for the Toons Pookie!! Have a great week!!

You're welcome, as always & the same to you, mass55th!

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