Today's Toons 9/17/18

[pookie18]

 

 

 

 

 

 

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This Thread Brought To You By The Letters C & L:

 

In Case You Missed It Dept.:

 

Supreme Court nominee Brett Kavanaugh endured three long days of confirmation hearings. A GOP nominee always faces the same ritual. The tension reached a climax when the Democrats demanded that Kavanaugh take a DNA test to prove, once and for all, that he's not Hitler. 

 

John Kerry went on the Sunday talk shows and questioned President Trump's mental fitness for office and then signaled he may run for president in two years, citing his triumphs in world diplomacy. It was one victory after another. Based on his peacemaking record in Syria, Afghanistan, the Gaza Strip, Ukraine and Libya, John Kerry couldn't stop a ketchup fight at a Heinz family picnic. 

 

Ryan Gosling explained in his new movie First Man in which he plays the legendary astronaut Neal Armstrong that they omitted the scene where he plants the flag on the moon. He claimed it was because the cast felt the moon landing was a human achievement and not an American one. The most likely explanation is that the actor was unable to plant the U.S. flag and kneel at the same time. 

 

President Trump spoke briefly with reporters on Labor Day while he was on his way out to the golf course. Trump was wearing his brand-new campaign cap with the Make America Great Again acronym MAGA replaced by a new logo that reads MFSA. It stands for Make Funerals Short Again.

 

Chicago Mayor Rahm Emanuel declined to run for re-election Monday after eight years in office. It's for the best. The writing was on the wall that things aren't working out under Rahm's administration when Fallujah finished ahead of Chicago in the bidding to host the Summer Olympics.

 

NFL season kicked off last night with the Philadelphia Eagles hosting the Atlanta Falcons. Odd enough, there's not much talk about football itself. Everyone's waiting to see if Colin Kaepernick will take a knee for the mistreated female Chinese workers who make the shoes he now he speaks for.

 

Nike signed Colin Kaepernick to a huge endorsement deal Tuesday, prompting a massive stock protest selloff. Monica Lewinsky took two knees and didn't get a kneepad commercial. Nike stock has depreciated like Coca-Cola--first it had cocaine, then caffeine, then it was caffeine-free, and now it's just Zero.

 

President Trump flew to Montana to perform at a Make America Great Again rally Thursday while official Washington D.C. was busy plotting his overthrow. He's safe from them thanks to the bottom line. President Trump's unemployment rate is so low even Colin Kaepernick has found a job.

 

Nike generated huge controversy by hiring anthem-kneeling Colin Kaepernick as commercial spokesman last week. Nike's stock value crashed four billion dollars the morning after Nike disclosed the endorsement deal. Not to be outdone, Nyquil PM just hired Bill Cosby to do their TV ads.

 

Jim Carrey went on HBO's Bill Maher show Friday and called for the Democrats to campaign this election on changing our system from capitalism to socialism. It's a serious proposal. Of course, Hollywood thinks that socialism means sharing your cocaine with everyone you meet in the bathroom.

 

Congresswoman Maxine Waters launched into an onstage rant Monday vowing to get Trump and then she screamed out the word impeachment a dozen times. There's growing concern for her health. If Maxine Waters becomes any more angry, Congress is going to need to hire a tennis umpire.

 

Serena Williams lost in the finals of the U.S. Open Sunday at Forest Hills. After the loss, she launched into a loud, angry rant calling the judge a liar and a thief and vowed he'd never again be a judge on her court. Serena was immediately arrested and dragged out of Kavanaugh's hearing.

 

Chairman and CEO of CBS Les Moonves was fired Monday after revelations surfaced of him sexually assaulting at least a dozen women at work. No one can accuse the former chairman of being disloyal to the network. Apparently Les was living out his own version of The Big Bang Theory.

 

President Trump just came off the craziest week of his presidency until next week. On Tuesday he observed the seventeenth anniversary of the Al Qaeda terrorist attacks on the United States by discussing the Twin Towers in a speech. I saw that CNN did everything they could to knock him down.

 

-- Argus Hamilton

 

I returned a pair of Nike shoes and asked for my money back.

 

The clerk asked, "What's wrong with them?" 

 

I told him they hurt my feet when I stand for the National Anthem.

 

-- Larry Elder

 

 

(Thank you, Mistysea)

[Reiuxcat]

Thanks for the Monday toons Pookie. :-)

[pookie18]

1 hour ago, Reiuxcat said:

Thanks for the Monday toons Pookie. :-)

You're welcome, Rcat!

[mass55th]

Thanks for the Toons Pookie!! Have a great week!!

[pookie18]

1 minute ago, mass55th said:

Thanks for the Toons Pookie!! Have a great week!!

My pleasure & the same to you, mass55th!