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Today's Toons 5/28/18


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This Thread Brought To You By The Letter M:



In Case You Missed It Dept.:


Windsor Castle was the site of the Royal Wedding between Prince Harry and American actress Meghan Markle Saturday. She is really brainy. Meghan was able to be the only Hollywood star to keep her vow to leave the U.S. if Trump got elected because she figured out a way to land on her feet.


CIA official Gina Haspel was confirmed as the Director of the Central Intelligence Agency on Thursday by the U.S. Senate. During the War on Terror, a woman may be the perfect CIA Director. For seventeen years we've tried every form of torture on captured terrorists except the silent treatment.


The U.S. Senate voted to confirm CIA veteran Gina Haspel as the new Director of the Central Intelligence Agency Thursday. She was clearly qualified, but the political divide didn't care. Six Senate Democrats from conservative states voted for Trump's nominee, which must have been torture.


The White House refused to apologize for a maudlin comment made by a female staffer about John McCain in a private meeting that was leaked to the press. It's tricky. Trump says he's opposed to anyone leaking on the woman, although Hillary's opposition research claimed he'd pay to watch it.


President Trump marked the first-year anniversary of the Mueller Russia probe, calling it the biggest witch hunt ever. The investigations are all over the map. Last week, the Senate Intelligence Committee forgot to cite the Democrats for helping Trump win the 2016 election by nominating Hillary.


Windsor Castle had a Church of England wedding ceremony Saturday that featured a black Episcopal bishop who gave the sermon, a black choir, Elton John, and a bi-racial bride. It surprised many. I tuned in at three in the morning to watch a Royal Wedding and an Obama inauguration broke out.


President Trump complained about how tough it is to deport the illegal alien Salvadoran gang members MS-13 once they're arrested and he compared these gang members to animals. Comparing gang members to animals was a mistake. PETA is considering suing President Trump for defamation.


Hillary Clinton again called Trump racist Friday, this time because he called the MS-13 gangs animals. Racism is her standard line besides blaming the Russians or The Deplorables. Would someone please give Hillary Clinton a participation trophy so she'll think at least she won something.


Barack Obama agreed to a multi-year deal with Netflix to produce movies and TV series. He's insatiably ambitious. Being the first black president wasn't enough for Obama, he wants to be the only producer over fifty who was not brought down for sexual misconduct by the Me, Too movement.


Barack Obama called Jay-Z last week to ask him to implore Hip-Hop artists not to meet with Trump. The president's approval rating with black men doubled after Kanye West endorsed him. Democrats consider Trump so nuts they think he belongs in Meghan Markle's white side of the family.


Hillary Clinton gave the commencement speech at Yale on Saturday during which she enjoyed a huge laugh at Trump's expense. Hillary donned a Russian fur cap and declared if you can't beat them join them. The FBI refuses to investigate the charge that she stole the joke from Yakov Smirnov.


Hillary Clinton kept up her war of words with President Trump this past weekend. It's getting nasty between them. During her commencement speech at Yale, Hillary made fun of Trump by putting on a Russian fur hat, then Trump made fun of Hillary by being President of the United States.


The White House crackdown on staff leaks to the press got underway Monday. All West Wing aides had to to drop off their cell phones into a storage bin when they come to work. White House chief of staff John Kelly had to spend all day yelling at Millennials to stop staring at their land lines.


Netflix announced Monday they have signed Barack and Michelle Obama to produce scripted movies and TV series and documentaries. Some titles for their new shows have already been released. They include House of Race Cards, Orange is the New Barack and Better Call Saul Alinsky.


-- Argus Hamilton


During a speech at Yale this weekend, Hillary Clinton mocked President Trump by putting on a traditional Russian hat, and then Trump mocked Clinton by being the president.


-- Seth Meyers


A young Texan boy grew up wanting to be a lawman.


He grew up big, 6' 2", strong as a longhorn, and fast as a mustang. He could shoot a bottle cap tossed in the air at 40 paces.


When he finally came of age, he applied to where he had only dreamed of working: the West Texas Sheriff's Department.


After a series of tests and interviews, the Chief Deputy finally called him into his office for the young man's last interview.


The Chief Deputy said, "You're a big strong kid, very bright and you can really shoot. So far, your qualifications all look good, but we have, what you might call, an "Attitude Suitability Test", that you must take before you can be accepted. We just don't let anyone carry our badge, son."


Then, sliding a service pistol and a box of ammo across the desk, the Chief said, "Take this pistol and go out and shoot:


1. six illegal aliens

2. six ambulance-chasing lawyers,

3. six meth dealers,

4. six Muslim extremists,

5. six liberal Democrats,

6. and a rabbit."


"Why the rabbit?" queried the applicant.


"You pass," said the Chief Deputy. "When can you start?"


-- Gary C. at Grouchy Old Cripple




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