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Today's Toons 3/19/18


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This Thread Brought To You By The Number 0:



In Case You Missed It Dept.:


Academy Awards host Jimmy Kimmel told reporters after the Oscars Sunday he'll continue to slam Republicans in his talk show monologues. He's safe in Hollywood. An actor friend of mine just changed his first name from Donald to Adolf to improve his chances of getting an agent in this town.


President Trump met with reporters Tuesday and he indicated flexibility on his tariff imposition on steel and aluminum. I'd say he has the aluminum can makers on his side. The logo on the Coors can changes from blue to red whenever a Millennial claims that the Russians cost Hillary the election.


Trump former aide Sam Nunberg went wild last week doing six whacky interviews in one day on cable news, vowing to defy Mueller's subpoena to testify today. One thing we learned, Sam Nunberg was able to prove that alcohol and anti-depressants are a legitimate energy drink substitute.


President Trump said he'll sign a twenty-five percent tariff on steel and ten percent tax on aluminum with carve-outs for Canada and Mexico. It's a delicate balancing act. Trump knows that Americans are sick and tired of Canadians coming down to this nation and taking jobs away from our Mexicans.


Pope Francis asked Christians of all faiths to pray for peace during Lent. So the other night, I asked God to bring peace either to North and South Korea or peace between the Democrats and Trump, whichever one is doable by his almighty hand. Next day, North Korea came to the peace table.


President Trump scored a major diplomatic triumph by forcing North Korea to the peace table Thursday. The reviews are in. The New York Post called it a personal triumph for Trump, Fox News called it a victory of shrewd bargaining, while CNN called it the latest twist in the Russia investigation.


The White House announced Thursday President Trump accepted Kim Jung Un's invitation to meet at the North Korean border for peace talks. The news struck me as a little too good. May I be the first to warn President Trump that Kim Jung Un will probably be wearing a wire for Robert Mueller.


The White House staged a press briefing Thursday to report Kim Jung Un's offer to engage in peace conference with Trump. The North Koreans called this the second meeting that Kim Jung Un has had with a U.S. president. The nation is so isolated they still think Dennis Rodman was Obama.


Donald Trump Jr. flew to Mexico City Friday to inform President Niete Pena about the details of new tariffs on steel and aluminum. They're a major trading partner. In addition to its manufacture of steel, aluminum, oil, silver, gold and tequila, Mexico is also the number-one producer of Americans.


President Trump regaled a Pennsylvania crowd with an off-the-Teleprompter show for over an hour Saturday covered live on TV. Some people refuse to enjoy the show. The biggest disaster of the Trump presidency is the number of really funny late-night comics we've lost to political commentary.


The Nobel Peace Prize Committee in Oslo began sifting through the first wave of nominees to receive the coveted award this fall. The number of worthy candidates for this great honor increases each day. North Korea just volunteered to broker peace talks between the U.S. and California.


Attorney General Jeff Sessions vowed to compel California Sanctuary Cities to comply with U.S. immigration laws. The situation is tenuous. The Los Angeles school board ruled that a teacher is not allowed to ask a student about his immigration status but it's bound to come up during pillow talk.


The White House proposed deeper background checks, age requirements and bump-stock bans to deter mass shootings Sunday but it didn't please the anti-gun crowd. They deeply believe that if we outlaw guns, people will stop shooting each other. That's how we got everyone to stop doing drugs.


The House Intelligence Committee ended its Russian probe Monday saying there was Russian interference in the 2016 election but no collusion. It just never ends. Americans are sick and tired of the Russians hacking into U.S. elections and attempting to interfere with the will of the Mexican voters.


North Korea's media was silent about Kim Jung Un's agreement to meet with President Trump last weekend. It's no secret what brought Kim to the table. When President Trump had trouble securing permits to hold his U.S. military parade in Washington, he decided to hold it in North Korea.


Hillary Clinton went off the rails in India Monday when she blamed her election loss on white women who voted as their husbands or bosses told them. She added Trump voters were racist and sexist. Would someone please give Hillary a Participation Trophy so she can say she won something?


Hillary Clinton slipped and fell down stairs twice in India Monday before she made it onstage and blasted white women for not voting for her. Later on, Hillary checked into a Mumbai hospital with a badly sprained hand. Our thoughts and prayers go out at this difficult time to the hospital staff.


National Geographic reported that archaeologists discovered a huge cache of fossils from the Ice Age underneath a parking garage in the Hancock Park section of Los Angeles. The discovery includes four wooly mammoths. It could very well be the scientists stumbled onto the set of The View.


President Trump was whisked across L.A. from his Beverly Hills fundraiser to his downtown hotel via helicopter Tuesday. The foliage was green all the way. Since Trump was elected president, the California drought has been reduced by ninety-seven percent, and that's just from all the crying.


President Trump fired economic advisor Gary Cohn and his assistant last week. So this week Trump fired his Secretary of State, and his National Security Advisor is rumored next to be fired. Democrats want to know if it's an impeachable offense to shout fired inside a crowded Cabinet Room.


-- Argus Hamilton


According to Politico, the publishers of former FBI Director James Comey's upcoming memoir are taking extreme precautions to prevent the manuscript from leaking. Yeah, it would be a shame if something got out at the wrong time and ruined everything for him.


-- Seth Meyers




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13 minutes ago, mass55th said:

Thanks Pookie!! Have a great week!!

My pleasure & the same to you, mass55th!

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