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Thoughts from the ammo line


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Scott Johnson

Feb. 15 2018

Ammo Grrrll has searched her archives and now discloses those filed under EMAIL TO SELF:

To: Ammogrrrll
From: Ammogrrrll
Cc: Mr. AG
In re: Missing Key Lime Pie

It has come to my attention that the remainder of the Key Lime Pie (nearly ¾ of the pie, as it happens) appears to be missing. In no way could this have been consumed by me and certainly not in one sitting while Mr. AG was at the dentist.

I know this did not happen because I was specifically told by my doctor that my cholesterol has been creeping up from “ridiculously-high” to “sludge-level.” And since I was told not to do things like this, and always to follow the proper procedure for storage of Pie, Key Lime, it did not happen.

Thank God I have this record proving that I did not do anything inappropriate with the Key Lime Pie or with the Double Chocolate Fudge Brownies either, which I am confident are still safely in the freezer right next to where the Lemon Bars used to be. I always store Fudge Brownies the proper way, what we here in Protect Thine Patootie Land call “by the book.” Or, in this instance, by the Lemon Bars. Well, technically, where they used to be. Or would be, were they not also gone missing. Some kind of Baked Goods Bermuda Triangle is my best guess.


To: Ammogrrrll
From: Ammogrrrll
In re: Weight Watcher weigh-in

Good Heavens! Weight Watchers must be using that broken scale again! It is not possible that I have gained 7 lbs. in just a week. I know this to be a fact because Weight Watchers has told me to stick to the program – by the book! – and I have. In fact, WW specifically mentions avoiding Key Lime Pie, Double Chocolate Fudge Brownies and Lemon Bars, so those things in particular I did not eat. Because my WW coach said “Do not do this.” And so I didn’t.

Someone might think that I had done that anyway, but then I can show them this email and they will be convinced that I had not done anything wrong. It is always good to make a thorough record of things you absolutely did not do.





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