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Today's Toons 12/19/16


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This Thread Brought To You By The Letters C & L:



In Case You Missed It Dept.:


California legislators vowed to defy Donald Trump's deportation policy and declare California a Sanctuary State. His opponents plan to be just relentless. Last week Donald Trump was named Person of the Year by Time magazine, prompting Green Party candidate Jill Stein to demand a reprint.


Time magazine revealed that Hillary Clinton finished second to Donald Trump in the editorial board's voting for Person of the Year. It never ends. When Hillary heard she finished second to Trump again, she hiked so far back into the woods she's on the next three episodes of Duck Dynasty.


Michael Moore called on progressives to demonstrate every day of the Trump presidency and interrupt every one of his events. It's approaching Trump derangement syndrome. If it quiets down all the protests, perhaps the Federal Budget should include a participation trophy for the Democrats.


Donald Trump's ten-year-old son Barron has reportedly picked out a puppy named Patton to be the nation's First Dog. The puppy is a designer hybrid breed of a Golden Retriever and French Poodle called a Goldendoodle. Mitt Romney's stopped by their home twice to teach it to sit up and beg.


CNN commentator Van Jones continued to blame Hillary's election loss on a white backlash against Obama's presidency. It was the economy. What was the point of having a black president when Steve Harvey and Michael Strahan each have to work five or six jobs just to make ends meet?


Senate Democrats couldn't wait to unload on Donald Trump's choice of cabinet nominees last week. The confirmation hearings promise to be really colorful. Senator Elizabeth Warren delivered a savage attack on Trump Wednesday, although you couldn't put it that way if she were a real Indian.


Donald Trump is in a Twitter war with Alec Baldwin over the actor's impersonation of Trump on Saturday Night Live. Free speech has returned. For the last eight years, stand-up comedians had to keep our religious jokes to Jesus jokes because if you told an Obama joke it could get you beheaded.


Twentieth-Century Fox released the trailer for War for the Planet of the Apes to promote the movie's release next July. It's a crowd pleaser. In the movie, the apes take over everything and within thirty days, the border is secured, everyone has health insurance and ISIS has been destroyed.


Hillary Clinton gave a speech in Washington D.C. in which she blamed her election loss on fake news on the Internet and in social media. The media agrees. NBC News anchor Brian Williams says fake news is a bigger threat than when his helicopter took rocket-propelled grenade fire in Iraq.


Donald Trump spoke for the GOP Senate candidate in Louisiana Friday then he named a new cabinet member. Then, he flew to Michigan to give a speech spelling out his industrial policy. President Obama had to issue three statements this last week reminding Americans that he's still alive.


NBC Saturday Night Live's Tina Fey said that Donald Trump's election paves the way for the emergence of Nazi America. Hopefully he'll help her re-locate her funny bone. Hollywood liberals are going to hate Donald Trump unless they're three jokes short and it's five minutes until show time.


The New York Giants snapped the Dallas Cowboys ten-game winning streak on NBC Sunday night with an upset victory. All my life, I've been a Cowboys fan, but suddenly and mysteriously during the second half, I switched teams and found myself rooting for the Giants. Damned Russians.


NBC reports that Donald Trump will remain as the executive producer of Celebrity Apprentice while he's still U.S. president. You can't make it up. NBC is just now realizing that it paid Donald Trump a hundred million dollars over ten TV seasons to train him how to select his cabinet members.


MSNBC anchor Brian Williams denounced fake news reported on the Internet that political partisans use to sway public opinion by spreading tall tales. Did Brian forget why he was demoted to NBC's cable channel? Brian Williams criticizing fake news is like Chris Christie telling fat jokes.


Senate Democrats called for a committee probe to see if Russian hackers helped throw the election for Trump. Hillary Clinton's campaign chairman John Podesta declared that Trump's election was invalid. And then he asked the Russians for help remembering his Yahoo mail password.


NBC reports that Donald Trump will remain as the executive producer of Celebrity Apprentice while he's president. He's very sensitive about the show. On Monday, when Donald Trump was not nominated for a Golden Globe, he called Vladimir Putin and told him to get his priorities straight.


Kanye West flew to New York City Tuesday where he was invited to have a one-on-one meeting with President-elect Donald Trump in his Trump Tower penthouse office. Now there is a pair. One guy is an egotistical psycho whose wife has posed for nude photos and the other guy is a rap star.


Donald Trump brought his Thank-You Tour to Wisconsin on Tuesday where he announced he was naming Exxon Mobil CEO Rex Tillerson to be the next Secretary of State. The president-elect placed an oilman in charge of U.S. foreign policy. In business this is called cutting out the middle man.


Senate Democrats vowed a fight over Rex Tillerson's Secretary of State nomination. Supporters tried to appease them by noting that his company donated to Planned Parenthood. He's well-liked in California because Exxon Mobil was the first to open their filthy bathrooms to transgenders.


President Obama said America wasn't over slavery, Jim Crow and Colonialism in an interview with Trevor Noah on Comedy Central Monday in New York. It could be true. It was an all-black interview for which Obama was paid nothing which took place in a city named after the Duke of York.


Senate Democrats demanded hearings on alleged Russian hacking into DNC computers which they claim elected Trump. Their bitterness is palpable. This morning a very brave man remarked to Hillary what a coincidence it was that the Lewinsky family of Beverly Hills are originally from Russia.


Democrats urged Electoral College voters in Trump states to switch over to Hillary. They tried recounts, they claimed Russia helped Trump, now they're strong-arming Electoral College voters. After this, their only option is a military coup, and that's why Trump put all the generals in his cabinet.


Donald Trump raised eyebrows when he named Rick Perry to be Secretary of the Department of Energy Tuesday. That's the department Perry vowed to get rid of when he ran for president. To top this appointment, Trump will have to name Bill Cosby head of the Food and Drug Administration.


Donald Trump attributed the post-election stock market bounce to approval for his appointees to run the government. In related news, after four years Rick Perry finally remembered the name of that third federal government cabinet department he wanted to eliminate. He's now in charge of it.


Donald Trump ripped NBC News because of the way they edited his remarks in a Fox News interview. It's bad. Trump told Fox he wanted to express his love to women voters for helping him in a giant way to win the election, and NBC edited him to say he wants women to love his giant election.


Senate Democrats demanded hearings on Russian hacking into DNC computers that they say elected Trump. No one bought that so it died out, along with the recount, and the Electoral College strong-arming is going nowhere. Japan just offered Democrats a seminar called Surrendering to Win.


-- Argus Hamilton


This morning, Kanye West actually showed up to meet with Donald Trump at Trump Tower. People were shocked -- they didn't expect those two to meet until the first presidential debate in 2020.


The Democratic National Committee was actually hacked because one of its directors clicked on a fake email to change his password, which gave Russia access to his account. Then Hillary said, "I can't believe you'd be so careless with your email!"


-- Jimmy Fallon


Hillary Clinton gave a speech last week criticizing the epidemic of fake news being spread ... or maybe she didn't.


Kanye West met with Donald Trump at Trump Tower today. No word on what they interrupted each other about.


-- Seth Meyers


A friend of Donald Trump's said that Trump dangled the office of secretary of state to Mitt Romney to "torture him." You can watch the whole thing in the new series "White Billionaire Pranks."


Today, Donald Trump met with Kanye West. It's always cool when two future presidents hang out.


Kanye West tweeted a photo of a Donald Trump-signed copy of Time Magazine's Person of the Year issue. Trump signed it, "To my good friend, Ben Carson."


-- Conan


There are reports that Donald Trump has been meeting with Mark Burnett, the creator of "The Apprentice," to plan next month's inauguration ceremony. If Omarosa swears this guy in, I'm moving back to England.


-- James Corden


This morning, the president-elect met at Trump Tower with Kanye West. You can tell it was a high-powered meeting because Kanye wore his formal sweat suit.


-- Steven Colbert


Trump's been busy assembling his Cabinet. His nominees are all pretty out there. As of today, the least-controversial person in his Cabinet is a guy named "Mad Dog."


Donald Trump met with Kanye West today -- what an amazing thing to see. Our next two presidents side by side.


-- Jimmy Kimmel




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