Thoughts from the ammo line

[Valin]

Power Line:

Ammo Grrrll returns with VISITING MY PEOPLE, a Six-Part Love Letter and Travelogue of Sorts.

Scott Johnson

April 10, 2015

 

(Snip)

 

We have discussed my aversion to flying. And this was before an insane co-pilot locked the pilot out and dive-bombed into the Swiss Alps. I prefer to stay on the ground. But even more than the fear of flying is my absolute love affair with this country, which you cannot see from 30,000 feet any more than you can get to know a person from across the room.

 

Cities are fine and I have lived in or near them for much of my life. But it’s small-town heartland that I love the most. These are – as our Attorney General said – “my people.” Now, sadly, Mr. Holder was simply talking about people the same color as he, a shameful and racist thing for someone charged with upholding “blind” justice to say, even if he thought it.

 

So, early on a Sunday morning, off I went.

 

Before we begin: A tutorial on Passing. People, people, people! When you are fixin’ to pass, here’s what you do: put on your blinker, move briskly into the left-hand lane, and then use your accelerator (hint: it’s the one on the right…) to actually get PAST the car or truck and back into the right-hand lane. Hence, the name: passing. If you just pull parallel with the vehicle you are intending to pass and stay there for many, many miles, you have failed to execute the most important part of “passing.” You are not passing, you are annoying. The song notwithstanding, YOU may “love a parade,” but not everyone else shares your delight, particularly when 40 cars are tailgating at 80 mph waiting for you to pass.

 

One of the first things you learn when you spend time among actual “facts on the ground,” is that virtually everything the liberals say is a lie. Everything. A couple of examples.

 

(Snip)

[Valin]

Thoughts from the ammo line

Ammo Grrrll returns with VISITING MY PEOPLE Part Two: Relying on the Kindness of Strangers. She writes:

 

A road trip across this great and beautiful land produces some delightful surprises. Just outside Deming, NM, on farm or ranch land, I saw a large homemade sign, “Stand with Israel.” It gladdened my heart for many miles. God Bless You, whoever you are. In West Texas, I regret that I passed up the advertised opportunity to purchase TNT on a 2 for 1 sale. For the 94-year-old mother who has everything. And wants to downsize.

 

I love Texas, don’t get me wrong, and would probably live there if I didn’t live in Arizona. But you folks do hit the “Alamo” and “Lone Star” stuff about as hard as Georgians hit “Peachtree.”

 

(Snip)

 

Earlier, in Missouri, I had noticed that my “low tire pressure” sign had come on. I am about as helpless with car things as I am with computer things. Which is one of the reasons we have men. (There are others.) I went into a travel plaza and asked a Mexican truck driver at the coffee machine if he had a tire gauge. He did not seem to understand the question and was preoccupied with getting coffee. Fair enough. In Spanish I either thanked him or possibly told him that my dog was sick and the sky was blue. It’s hard to tell with my Spanish.

 

I went outside and a nicely-dressed gentleman drove up and parked. He did have a tire gauge, checked all my tires for me in a cold stiff wind, and pronounced me good to go. Just then the Mexican guy came out and had BOUGHT a tire gauge! He wouldn’t even let me reimburse him. Guess he felt sorry for me with my sick dog.

 

Oh, those awful men and their “rape culture.” So now I own a tire gauge which is part-way to knowing how to use it to diagnose the problem and then solve it. Or I could just find more random nice men. Yeah, I think I’ll go with that.

[Valin]

The Adventure Continues!

 

Thoughts from the ammo line

Scott Johnson

April 24, 2015

 

This morning Ammo Grrrll returns with VISITING MY PEOPLE Part 3: Weather ‘Tis Nobler…:

 

It could have been infinitely worse, of course. My mother reported just this past Tuesday that Minnesota was snowy and bitter cold. So, in mid- to late-March on the way to or from Minnesota, I could have been stranded in an epic blizzard and still be catatonic in the fetal position in a motel in Wichita. “Possibly the fetal position,” commented Mr. AG, “but never catatonic.” He’s getting Liver and Lima Bean Surprise for dinner.

 

I encountered no blizzards, but still it was not always easy.

 

First, let’s talk about the wind. From West Texas, up Tornado Alley, and into Kansas of Toto and Dorothy fame, to Iowa and northern Minnesota, I never had a day without fierce wind. The kind of gale where it’s very difficult to open your car door to fill up at a gas station, until you put your shoulder into it. My wee hands were stiff and sore from clutching the steering wheel to keep the car on the road. What it does for a hairdo shouldn’t even be mentioned. Think Margaret Hamilton in the aforementioned Wizard of Oz., only more unkempt.

 

(Snip)

[Valin]

Thoughts from the ammo line

Scott Johnson

May 1, 2015

 

Ammo Grrrll returns with VISITING MY PEOPLE Part Four: Pride of Place. As always with her weekly column, previous installments of this series can be accessed by inputting Grrrll in our search engine. She writes:

 

 

 

One of the things I love most about our great country is the sense of ownership and pride that our citizens have about where they live. For a politician or a comic, a guaranteed cheap applause line is to mention the city in which he or she is appearing. But woe be upon you, if you get it wrong! It is an affront from which you will not recover. Our emcee once called a comedy club full of NDSU students UND and we couldnt buy a laugh all night.

 

No matter how small the town, there is a green sign before the exit listing all the fabulous attractions the city fathers want you to know await you if you would please get out of your car, look around, and by all means, buy something. See Our Old Round Barn! one sign urges hopefully.

 

That rather reminded me of a self-esteem building exercise our son had to do in third grade. A piece of paper was passed around for each child and all the other children had to write anonymous morale-boosting things about that child. Several commented on what a good friend he was and how smart he was. But one child when pressed to come up with something positive, could only say, Jacob has nice pants. How dramatically that affected the way our son esteemed himself I cannot say, but Im sure it was decisive.

 

(Snip)

 

The smallest town has a little park, valuable real estate set aside just for community pleasure and respite. Money is spent for sheer beautification. And has been, of course, since a lady living in the Lascaux cave in France looked at the wall and said, You know what that wall needs, cher? Some pictures of our kids. And her husband said, I cant draw people. How about some nice bison? And then the neighbor lady asked her husband, How come we dont have bison? and the first interior decorator was born.

 

(Snip)

[nickydog]

I just loved reading these, @Valin! Please post the rest when they come.

[Valin]

I just loved reading these, @Valin! Please post the rest when they come.

 

 

I Can Do That! Even though you're asking a great deal, still I'm willing to make the effort.

[nickydog]

I know it's a lot to ask and I really appreciate it.

[Valin]

I know it's a lot to ask and I really appreciate it.

 

 

What can I say...I'm a sucker for a pretty face.

[nickydog]

 

I know it's a lot to ask and I really appreciate it.

 

 

What can I say...I'm a sucker for a pretty face.

 

 

[Valin]

@nickydog

 

Ask And You Shall Receive!

 

Thoughts from the ammo line

Scott Johnson

May 8, 2015

 

Ammo Grrrll continues her travelogue with Visiting My People Part 5, Lost in America. As always with her weekly column, previous installments of this series can be accessed by inputting Grrrll in our search engine. She writes:

 

 

I was unable to leave any of my worldly goods strewn across the Heartland, like breadcrumbs pointing the way home. But not for lack of effort.

 

I have previously mentioned leaving my Nexus in Guthrie, Oklahoma - charging merrily away on the desk in my hotel room with its Candy Crush and many beloved book titles on it - Donald E. Westlake in abundance, John D. McDonald, Vince Flynn, Lee Child plus Power Line, Iowahawk, The Weekly Standard, Steynonline and Ace of Spades. I realized my error an hour down the road and considered returning but was loath to lose two hours in the effort. I called the hotel; they retrieved the Nexus from my room and held it in their safe for my return. Problem solved. It was undoubtedly a subconscious attempt to break the heroin-like grip that Candy Crush had on me. Sounds better than carelessness or stupidity.

 

Steeled in a new resolve to look after my belongings, I was baffled by the next mislaid object which happened to be my eyeglasses. Oh well, I reasoned, since I now had nothing to read anyway, to quote Madame Secretary, What difference does it make at this point? Besides, I had two backup pairs with me, only slightly more out-of-date than the lost pair. I tend to have annual medical exams of all kinds roughly every 8-10 years except for colonoscopies which I schedule without fail every 50. At least at eye exams they dont weigh you.

 

My distance vision is 20/10. If I hang the menu 21 feet away like a target, I can read it just fine. Alternatively, I could ask the server for his opinion and then I could be the one to say Excellent choice! with enthusiasm. Not to brag, but, Im batting 1.000 in making excellent choices in restaurants.

 

(Snip)

[Valin]

Thoughts from the ammo line

Scott Johnson

May 15 2015

 

Ammo Grrrll concludes her six-part travelogue with Visiting My People – the Grand Finale: Seventy Years and Counting. As always with her weekly column, previous installments of this series can be accessed by inputting “Grrrll” in our search engine. She writes:

 

Several weeks ago in this column, I set out on a journey to celebrate my parents’ seventieth wedding anniversary back in my hometown in rural Minnesota. You have made the trip with me. As the sign says around construction zones: Thanks for your patience. The riots, scandals and terrorist attacks seemed to manage nicely without my take on them, but next week it’s back to pithy political commentary. Can’t have too much pith in troubled times.

 

What to make of such an amazing milestone? How do you log 70 years of marriage?

 

Steve Martin had a great old bit: How to make a million dollars and pay no taxes: “First, get a million dollars. Then, pay no taxes.” (There was as yet no MSNBC to make that formula a reality.) Shhh…here’s the secret: To attain such an impressive number of anniversaries, you have to get married pretty young and then try to live a very long time.

 

My father is a few weeks shy of 90; my mother, the cradle-robber, is 94. They have lived in Assisted Living for two years now. At the time of this writing, they were the only intact married couple there. So, in addition to your being quite old, your spouse has to be alive as well. Usually the men fail to hold up their end of that bargain. Soon after my 50th class reunion, the great guy who keeps us in touch emailed the sad news that four more classmates had passed, all of them men. In any nursing home, the ladies outnumber the men by about 8-1. C’mon, fellas, figure out how to live as long as we do. We love you and need you.

 

(Snip)

 

[nickydog]

Thank you, @Valin. You are a good boy. I enjoyed all of it.

 

I am making a road trip by myself next month to attend the memorial service of my 92-year old aunt. She was the last of her generation, which makes me now the oldest in the family. But that is another subject. Her ashes will be buried with her husband and also her son who died in Iran in a jeep accident working for the Peace Corps in the early 70's. This will be in Sioux City, IA. I plan to stop in Omaha for 2 nights to visit friends before going on the Sioux City and then return home. What I can't decide is whether I should stick to the interstate or wander through smaller towns on country highways. I know what @Ghost would say!

[Valin]

Thank you, @Valin. You are a good boy. I enjoyed all of it.

 

I am making a road trip by myself next month to attend the memorial service of my 92-year old aunt. She was the last of her generation, which makes me now the oldest in the family. But that is another subject. Her ashes will be buried with her husband and also her son who died in Iran in a jeep accident working for the Peace Corps in the early 70's. This will be in Sioux City, IA. I plan to stop in Omaha for 2 nights to visit friends before going on the Sioux City and then return home. What I can't decide is whether I should stick to the interstate or wander through smaller towns on country highways. I know what @Ghost would say!

 

 

Ah Omaha! Brings back memories (from the before times) of The Gypsy Woman. She took me in and took care of me for a couple of weeks.

[nickydog]

 

Thank you, @Valin. You are a good boy. I enjoyed all of it.

 

I am making a road trip by myself next month to attend the memorial service of my 92-year old aunt. She was the last of her generation, which makes me now the oldest in the family. But that is another subject. Her ashes will be buried with her husband and also her son who died in Iran in a jeep accident working for the Peace Corps in the early 70's. This will be in Sioux City, IA. I plan to stop in Omaha for 2 nights to visit friends before going on the Sioux City and then return home. What I can't decide is whether I should stick to the interstate or wander through smaller towns on country highways. I know what @Ghost would say!

 

 

Ah Omaha! Brings back memories (from the before times) of The Gypsy Woman. She took me in and took care of me for a couple of weeks.

 

 

I do not want to know who The Gypsy Woman was.

[Valin]

 

 

Thank you, @Valin. You are a good boy. I enjoyed all of it.

 

I am making a road trip by myself next month to attend the memorial service of my 92-year old aunt. She was the last of her generation, which makes me now the oldest in the family. But that is another subject. Her ashes will be buried with her husband and also her son who died in Iran in a jeep accident working for the Peace Corps in the early 70's. This will be in Sioux City, IA. I plan to stop in Omaha for 2 nights to visit friends before going on the Sioux City and then return home. What I can't decide is whether I should stick to the interstate or wander through smaller towns on country highways. I know what @Ghost would say!

 

 

Ah Omaha! Brings back memories (from the before times) of The Gypsy Woman. She took me in and took care of me for a couple of weeks.

 

 

I do not want to know who The Gypsy Woman was.

 

 

 

Shocking New Alert!!! I was not always the fine upstanding Boy Scout I am Today.