A Mother’s Day plea to stop equating adoption with abandonment

[Valin]

Washington Post:

Nina Easton

5/10/13

 

In today’s America, a single woman facing a surprise pregnancy is likely to consider just two options: abortion or single motherhood. The third choice, adoption, carries such a social stigma that domestic placement of infants has plummeted — even as the number of parents desperate for a baby grows.

 

Birth mothers choose life, and a family, for their child. But this choice is rarely celebrated. Women routinely face family, friends and even health-care providers who think that adoption equals abandonment, according to researchers and conversations with birth mothers. “Just look at the language people use: ‘She’s giving up her baby,’ ” says Kathy Kunkel, founder of the Utah-based agency A Act of Love. “In fact, a birth mother is choosing a good home for her baby.”

 

(Snip)

 

A full accounting of adoption as an option would not underestimate its emotional challenges — the grief and loss for birth mothers, the uncertainties for adoptive parents operating under a patchwork of state laws. But commonly held myths about domestic adoption would be dispelled. The super-secret affairs of old are largely gone; rather, birth mothers typically choose the family, and adoptive parents share letters and pictures. The baby’s future does not disappear into a black hole.

 

Adoption should be an empowering option for young women in crisis, knowing that the people around them — family, friends, church — will respect their choice. On this Mother’s Day, I’ll be celebrating the courage of the birth mother who gave our daughter the gift of life — and gave my husband and me the greatest joy of our marriage.

 

 

 

Speaking as an adoptee, I really like adoption, what you got is a win/win/win situation

[nickydog]

My unmarried niece is pregnant with her second child and has chosen a family to adopt the baby. I think she is very brave.

[saveliberty]

My parents searched into adoption after losing two babies - one was full term. Mom said later that you never recover from the loss.

 

From what I remember, there was a long wait, especially for parents who had children already. There were two of us - my sister and me.

 

We girls were on our best behavior when the agency (private) came to check if the family was suitable. We were told later that we passed with flying colors.

 

My brother was born of a birth mother and came home to us on Mother's Day in 1968. I am thankful to God for my brother and for his birth mother.

 

He found his biological parents a few years ago and that helped to settle his unanswered questions, but he is more fully our family because of meeting them, if that makes any sense.

 

What I can say is that whenever something is troubling him, the only person he can open up to is Mom.

Edited May 12, 2013 by saveliberty

[cudjo]

as adoptees my sisters and I have always felt adoption is definitely a win win situation