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An FAQ on Christianity for the Unbeliever


Valin

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A helpful guide for those who find it impossible to understand the religion thing.

Frank J. Fleming

8/14/12

 

There’s a brand new thing out there that has been confusing and frightening people lately: Christians. The first prominent Christian anyone ever heard of was probably Tim Tebow, and his appearance on the national scene was quite alarming to many, as his “Christian” behavior was seen as quite odd and new. More recently, people have learned about Dan Cathy and are disturbed to discover that some businesses may possibly be owned by Christians who express Christian-type views. And then there is Olympic champion gymnast Gabby Douglas, whose constant profession of faith in God is so frightening that an extremely bewildered author wrote an article about her in Salon.

 

Since ignorance is what leads us to fear something (unless we’re talking about platypuses, as the more you know about them, the scarier they are — did you know they’re poisonous?), I thought I’d write an FAQ about Christians to help explain what these strange new people are, so everyone won’t be all freaked out about them.

 

CHRISTIANS FAQ

 

How long have Christians been around?

 

While many people see Christians as a brand new and quite scary thing, records show Christians have been around since at least the 1950s, and maybe even much earlier.

 

What are their beliefs based on?

 

It’s a book called “The Bible.” It’s full of thousands-of-years-old religious writing, which Christians believe to have been written by men inspired by God. It’s very long.

 

(Snip)

 

And don’t Christians know we now have science, which has replaced religion, and that there is no more need for Jesus, since we have lasers and rockets and other science stuff?

 

Science covers physical and temporary things, while religion covers spiritual and eternal things, so Christians still feel religion is very important — even more important than science.

 

That’s blasphemy! Nothing is more important than science! How can they think such things?

 

Maybe they didn’t watch Beakman’s World when they were young.

 

 

(Snip)

 

And what’s with the opposition to making insurance pay for contraception? Do Christians really want to send us back to a time when fundamentalists controlled everything and people were burned at the stake for being witches and women had to go to Walgreens and spend their own money to get contraception?

 

There are numerous Christian views on contraception, but Christians universally support freedom of religion and don’t think people should have to fund what they morally oppose.

 

So they think that freedom of religion is more important than free contraception?

 

They would argue that, yes.

 

And what’s with Christians’ constant opposition to abortion?

 

I have no idea. It’s hard to imagine how anyone could find anything wrong with that.

 

I think you’re mocking me.

 

I wouldn’t do that.

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