Interview With a Vegan: Blackfive.net’s Founder, Author Matthew Burden

[Valin]

David Bellavia.com:

3/1/10

Vegan (V) : Can I call you Matt?

Matt Burden (MB): Okay. How long is this going to take?

V: Not long.

Matt you are a former Special Operative. And the Curator and founder of what is widely considered to be the most influential military blog on the internet today, Blackfive.net.

You sit on the board of Soldier’s Angels and are the Chairman and co-founder of The Warrior Legacy Foundation. You wrote a critically acclaimed Simon and Schuster book called “The Blog of War.” And you were a candidate for state Senate in 2010.

Welcome to my forum. I am a college chum of David’s. I am an unapologetic vegan. Matt, what would you say is the biggest problem surrounding the DoD today?

MB: The biggest problem surrounding the Pentagon today (aside from I395) is converting our forces from the Cold War type of warfare to asymmetric type of warfare. It’s a huge challenge to overcome.

The problem is, and you know this is going to happen, that the minute we fully convert to the asymmetric style, some asshole is going to start a huge conventional war and then we’re @#$%ed.

(V: Answer me these quick questions. Short answers. Please. How many people do you think the American military has killed since 2003 invasion of Afghanistan?

MB: We invaded Afghanistan in 2001 and apparently haven’t killed enough people yet.

V: What about in Iraq since 2001?
MB: We invaded Iraq in 2003 and have killed enough people there.

(Snip)

V: Do you eat formerly living flesh?

MB: If something hasn’t struggled violently before perishing and appearing on a plate, I don’t really feel hungry.

V: Do you consider yourself to be healthy?

MB: Mostly… if you consider a diet of single malt scotch, steak, and an occasional potato to be balanced.

(Snip)

V: Would you ever consider a juicing lifestyle?

MB: I don’t even know what that means, but I’m offended.

V: What is the longest you have gone without eating vegetables?


MB: Does French Onion Dip count? Martini olives? Wow, I eat more veggies than I thought.

V: You have done Glenn Beck more times than Glenn’s wife. Do you believe Obama is as evil as Beck says he is?

MB: Heh. While I don’t think that President Obama is completely evil, I do believe that he thinks that he’s smarter than everyone else, deserves everything, and knows what’s best for everyone. That makes him scary and dangerous quite possibly socialist, but not necessarily evil. Plus, I heard he likes dogs.

V: If you were in a plane crash and you had the choice of eating people or carrots what would you do?

MB: Is ketchup available? Well, carrots first unless someone was already medium rare.

(Snip)

V: I saw a video of a panel you did where you spoke of left wing, anti-war blogging sites and how they have are without credibility with regards to the military. Is it safe to say that you believe that an anti-war American would not be some you would want in a foxhole with you?


MB: Why in the hell would someone who is anti-war join the military who’s very purpose is to wage war?!
I guess I would like to see their “fight or flight” reaction so they could join me…it might give them a chance to see what might happen if we go weak on defense.

(Snip)

V: I have four bowel movements… five bowel movements a day. (sorry) Can you say that?

MB: Ummm, no. I can’t. Wow, I was impressed with the Burj Dubai (tower) but that accomplishment…?

V: My point is that my diet of fresh juice and no flesh has allowed my digestive system to function like a baby. I literally digest my food like a newborn.

MB: That’s NICE that you have that going for you. I don’t believe newborns have five bowel movements a day however.

V: Healthy ones do.

MB: The only people I have seen that have five bowel movements a day I have treated for dysentery. Are you okay?

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Just had to share

[Rheo]

That was funny.

[SrWoodchuck]

Valin! Thanks for this one!

 

.....and he hates mimes, too!

[pinz]

How many bowel movements do mimes have every day?

 

Do their farts make noise?

[SrWoodchuck]

How many bowel movements do mimes have every day?

 

Do their farts make noise?

Pinz!

 

I don't know a thing about mime BM's.....but suspect they are the source of the dreaded SBD!*

 

 

 

 

* Silent But Deadly

[pinz]

 

My brother's specialty!