The New York Times Is Hiring a ‘Right Wing Media’ Reporter. Meet the Finalists for the Job. (Satire)

[Valin]

The Washington Free Beacon

Must be able to 'report accurately, critically, and fairly on people with extremist views'

Andrew Stiles

August 16, 2022

The New York Times (a former newspaper)  has spent the last eight months looking for a journalist to cover the "right wing media" for the flagship publication—someone with the "backbone to withstand aggressive blowback" and a talent for reporting "accurately, critically, and fairly on people with extremist views."

Puck reports that the paper is "close" to making an announcement naming the new hire. Fortunately for our readers, the Washington Free Beacon has obtained and reviewed a list of 11 finalists for the Times position. Who do you think should get the job?

(Snip)

Albert Darcy

The most talented member of the Reliable Sources crew, Albert belongs to CNN's Oliver Darcy, the Robin to Brian Stelter's Batman. Both journalists might lose their jobs as the network's new leadership seeks to transition away from hysterical whining about Fox News, but Albert has the looks and the personality to succeed in the business. He would bring some much-needed diversity to the Times newsroom.

John Hinckley Jr.

Not as young as Hadi Matar, but more prolific. Loves a good hit job on crazy right-wingers and has a history of obsessive fixation. Hinckley has demonstrated tremendous patience over the years and a talent for artistic expression. The Times might even get a tax credit for hiring an ex-con.

(Snip)

Chelsea Clinton

An experienced author-journalist who made $600,000 per year as a "special correspondent" for NBC News. A respected media outlet wouldn't fork over that kind of cash unless Chelsea was extremely talented.

(Snip)

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My top 3 picks!