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Why I support Greta Thunberg in her fight against COVID-19


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support-greta-thunberg-fight-against-covid-19-matilda-olofsson

As soon as the crisis is over, we can get back to wrecking the planet. I can’t wai.

Matilda Olofsson

May 14 2020

My name is Matilda Olofsson and I am Greta Thunberg’s arch-nemesis. For every positive action her climate activism encourages, I have taken it upon myself to cause an equally negative reaction. For example, when Greta challenged world leaders to address the issue of reducing carbon emissions with her famous ‘HOW DARE YOU?’ speech, I marched straight down to my local park and chastised a bunch of kids for riding around on push bikes when limousines exist.

So naturally, when I heard of Greta’s inclusion on a CNN coronavirus ‘facts and fears’ panel I was livid. My first instinct was to call my Uncle Jörgen and instruct him to throw his hand sanitizer out of his apartment window, lick every door knob in his building, and go outside and cough on as many people with underlying health conditions as he could find. Thankfully, a nagging feeling of doubt stayed my hand, and I realized that a percentage of the population dying in hospital beds isn’t nearly as dramatic as seeing the world burn from various climate catastrophes, and I decided that for once, I would call a truce. The Day After Tomorrow will become a reality on my watch.

(Snip)

After all, from my point of view this global pandemic has given Greta precisely what she wanted. Schools are closed. There are less cars on the roads. Flights have been canceled. People are miserable. The world economy is taking a huge hit, and unemployment levels are through the roof. Truly, the coronavirus pandemic has been a gift for Greta. This will not do. A vaccine must be found as soon as possible so that we can put an end to this horrific outbreak of eco-friendliness and get back to destroying the planet.

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