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The President Deals with a Crisis

 

SCENE: The White House Situation Room

 

THE PLAYERS: The POTUS, the V-POTUS, the SecState, NSA (National Security Advisor Susan Rice), the Ambassador to the Ukraine, the Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, the Press Secretary.)

 

POTUS: All right people, whats up with this Ukraine thing? And make it snappy, Ive got a Tee Time.

 

Chairman JCS: Mr. President, Russia is flying troops into Crimea to secure the strategic seaport at Svastopol. The Treaty of Budapest obligates the US to come to the aid of Ukraine in the event of Russian invasion. If we signal weakness on this, the Chinese may see this as a go-ahead to retake Taiwan

 

SecState: Okay, enough with the warmongering jibber-jabber. Ill have you know I served in Vietnam. In my opinion, Mr. President, Ukraine is just a distraction from the real strategic threat.

 

POTUS: Which is what?

 

SecState: Global Warming, of course.

 

POTUS: Right, of course. (Checks watch) Mr Ambassador, what can you tell us about the situation?

 

Ambassador to the Ukraine: (Shrugs) I dont know. I only got this job because I donated 400 large to the campaign. I never even heard of the place. For real, up until my confirmation I thought U-Crane was like some crane rental company or something. Like -Haul but with Cranes, you know what I am saying.

 

Chairman of the Joint Chiefs: Mr. President, if I may

 

POTUS: Shut up, warmonger. Susan, whats your take on this.

 

(Snip)

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According to the Drudge Report Obama skipped the special meeting of his National Security Team today. He was reportedly briefed by Susan Rice later.

 

What?!! It's too cold to play golf yet in D.C., isn't it?

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original.jpg

 

 

Later, after the two meet.

 

See below.

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What I have been saying for quite some time now.

/pat myself on the back

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People Who Will Not Be Pitching a Fit Over a Wedding Cake

Submitted for your consideration.

 

 

DEAR ABBY: My nephew is getting married next year. I was very excited because I love him and I’m a baker. I had planned on making the groom’s cake as I did for his brother’s and sister’s weddings. The problem is, they have decided on a hunting theme for their wedding — including a camouflage wedding dress for the bride.

Abby, I am an animal-rights activist. I’m against any form of hunting. I am also involved with several animal-protection groups. My nephew and his fiancee know how hard I work for animal rights — just the thought of a hunting theme for a wedding makes me ill.

I don’t even want to attend, let alone make a cake. What can I do so there will be no hurt feelings if I don’t want to attend or participate? — BAKER IN THE MIDWEST

 

(Snip)

 

 

 

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

 

Someone really needs to get a life!

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The good husband.....helping his wife become president....

 

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Bill Clinton Photographed Posing With Two Hookers…

 

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Bill Clinton’s controversial couplings has reached a new level after he was pictured spending time with prostitutes at a recent charity event.

 

The former President was in Los Angeles on Thursday and photographed with two female attendees who work as legal prostitutes in Nevada.

 

Identified as Ava Adora and Barbie Girl by TMZ, both of the women are known to work at the Bunny Ranch brothel near Carson City.

 

Via WeaselZippers

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Maybe Tea Partier Was Right to Challenge Us United Methodists
Mark Tooley
3/1/14

Recently a Fort Worth newspaper columnist spotlighted a local Tea Party leader for suggesting a local political candidate was likely less conservative, and less supportable, because he’s Methodist.

 

“Methodists tend not to take a stand on issues — anything goes,” the Tea Partier suggested. “Methodists are not as conservative as straight-laced Baptists,” she wrote. “If I have to choose between an uptight, straight laced Baptist for a judge, and a more liberal Methodist, and all else is equal, I’m gonna go with the Baptist.”

 

The columnist mocked the Tea Partier, of course, and quoted me saying official Methodism is liberal but most Methodists are less liberal. Like many United Methodists, I don’t want to be judged by my denomination’s official pronouncements. But maybe we SHOULD be so judged!

 

Very few United Methodists know the details of official denominational policies and statements, but ignorance is no excuse. The details are a quick Google search away. And overall theological squishiness should be obvious to parishioners in most churches. All of us who are members of United Methodism bear responsibility, and others are right to challenge us. Our ignorance, indifference and detachment offer no excuses. We’re part of a wider denomination that is only as healthy and responsible as we members insist.

 

(Snip)

 

______________________________________________________________________________________

 

Time for a new John & Charles Wesley? They need a little Reality Therapy.

 

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You can't make this up: Bill Clinton surrounded by hookers

 

 

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Mom Jeans for peace?

 

 

Dear WVR:

Is that Obama on the right or the left of the desk?

Inquiring minds want to know.

Signed,

Clint Eastwood

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Dennis Prager, Prager University [& well said]:

 

 

From my e-mail

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Caption Contest

 

28.png

It wasn't until the middle of the synchronized swimming event that the unfortunate after effects of the pre swim burrito lunch materialized.

 

The American Energy Independence Association reports in its industry trade association magazine GAS that it has high hopes for anthropogenically generated energy. The energy produced in the demonstration pictured here spun a hamster wheel for 16 seconds. AGE holds much promise said a spokesperson for the Association.

Environmentalists, Humanists, and the Obama administration have all come out against farting and documentarian Josh Fox announced Gasland Deux has been greenlighted.

 

"The Synchronized Swim Team World Tour came to a tragic end when they were booked into a Pirhana-filled river in Brazil."

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americanbreakfastimgur.jpg

Where's the side of Spam?

 

NOT AMERICAN!

 

1.) Cream in coffee......uh....no! Coffee not black.

 

2.) One egg? Give me a break.

 

3.) Gun not turned out, so it is readily available.

 

4.) Not enough bacon.

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Dennis Prager, Prager University [& well said]:

 

 

From my e-mail

 

Very well done.

1 person likes this

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Caption Contest

 

28.png

It wasn't until the middle of the synchronized swimming event that the unfortunate after effects of the pre swim burrito lunch materialized.

 

The American Energy Independence Association reports in its industry trade association magazine GAS that it has high hopes for anthropogenically generated energy. The energy produced in the demonstration pictured here spun a hamster wheel for 16 seconds. AGE holds much promise said a spokesperson for the Association.

Environmentalists, Humanists, and the Obama administration have all come out against farting and documentarian Josh Fox announced Gasland Deux has been greenlighted.

 

"The Synchronized Swim Team World Tour came to a tragic end when they were booked into a Pirhana-filled river in Brazil."

 

LMFAO.gif The unfortunate after effects of a pre-swim burrito lunch!

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Scissors-32x32.png

 

Via TheoSpark

Shouldn't that be an LGTB / Acorn flag?

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FYI

 

From poverty to prosperity: A conversation with Bill Gates
AEI’s Philanthropic Freedom Project
Thursday, March 13, 2014 | 12:30 p.m. – 1:45 p.m.
This event will be livestreamed only.

 

The greatest antipoverty achievement in human history is unfolding before our eyes. The percentage of people living in extreme poverty has plummeted by 80 percent in the past four decades alone. Child mortality has fallen to record lows. Whole societies where deprivation and hopelessness seemed inevitable just a generation ago now rank among the world’s fastest-growing economies.

What brought about this remarkable transformation? How can we build on its success? AEI’s Philanthropic Freedom Project welcomes Bill Gates for an exclusive event at AEI. In conversation with AEI President Arthur Brooks, Gates will describe philanthropy’s role in reshaping the landscape of global poverty, dispel myths about development that prevent the poor from rising, and discuss his prediction that almost no countries will still be poor by 2035.

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