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Today's Toons 2/13/17


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This Thread Brought To You By The Number 0:

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In Case You Missed It Dept.:

 

Iran conducted missile tests Thursday in violation of its treaty with the U.S. and six nations that lifted the sanctions eighteen months ago. Do the Iranians really want to try to bluff a U.S. Secretary of Defense named Mad Dog? The Weather Channel just said the five-day forecast for Iran is two days.

 

Cal Berkeley had violent protests, smashed windows and arson over a free speech advocate's booking on campus. The kids are upset by the visa ban for terrorist countries. If this generation were faced with the Zombie Apocalypse, there'd be Zombie rights activists blocking their deportation.

 

Mexico's government said Thursday President Trump was just joking when he told Mexico's President Pena Niete he might send U.S. troops there to wipe out the cartels. At first it was reported by the AP that Trump was threatening Mexico with a U.S. invasion. That would certainly be a switch.

 

The Wall Street Journal reported on Supreme Court nominee Neil Gorsuch's background that included his home life in Colorado. The judge raises horses and chickens and goats on his ranch. This experience will help him step through and around the Capitol during the confirmation process.

 

President Trump saluted the Super Bowl-winning New England Patriots and owner Bob Kraft, Bill Belichek, and Tom Brady Sunday. Trump added that the three men are backers and personal friends. Now for their personal safety, they must move the victory parade to either Oklahoma or Texas.

 

Fox News star Bill O'Reilly interviewed President Trump before the Super Bowl Sunday and got Trump to admit that he's pondering serious action in the Persian Gulf. All signs are grim. Punxatawney Phil came out and saw his shadow Thursday, and that means Iran has six more weeks.

 

Fox News ran a report Friday detailing Hollywood's hatred for President Trump. It said that the only stars who've urged cooperation with Trump are Harrison Ford, Matthew McConaughey, Clint Eastwood and Morgan Freeman. In other words, every star who gets a percentage of the gross.

 

The White House officially put Iran on notice Wednesday after Iranian-trained Yemeni rebels attacked a Saudi ship and Iran conducted missile tests. It doesn't look good. I think the reason there were no Iranians in the crew on the Starship Enterprise is because Star Trek is set in the future.

 

Cal Berkeley drew rioters and arsonists Wednesday who succeeded in canceling a free speech advocate from addressing the Young Republicans Club. The campus police only arrested one kid. It was a Young Republican who didn't know that calling someone a firebug is a micro-aggression.

 

The New England Patriots held a Super Bowl victory parade in Boston to celebrate the team's historic twenty-five-point come-from-behind victory on Sunday. Atlanta made the same old mistake. The Falcons got so far ahead they let Hillary's campaign manager call the plays in the second half.

 

Super Bowl viewers paired off into warring camps Sunday after President Trump revealed his kinship to Patriots owner Bob Kraft, Bill Belichek and Tom Brady. It was bad. After the game, angry Democrats marched in the streets holding up signs reading Not My Champions and Winning is Racist.

 

New York's Village magazine caused a huge controversy Monday by depicting a photograph of President Trump on the magazine cover with a gun cross-hair over his head. The far-left is just dreaming. You'll never get President Trump into a theater, the actors have already shown their hand.

 

President Trump made a visit to Central Command Headquarters in Tampa where he met with generals and coordinated defense strategy. Western Civilization is at stake. The U.S. defense plans include Special Forces against ISIS, a U.S. Naval confrontation with Iran, and a wall around Chicago.

 

President Trump congratulated pals Patriots owner Bob Kraft, Coach Bill Belichick and Tom Brady for the Super Bowl win. Everyone knew they were the president's team. Jill Stein is calling for a Super Bowl Recount and asking for seven million dollars in donations to make the Falcons win.

 

Betsy DeVos was confirmed to become Secretary of Education on Tuesday despite opposition from the Teachers Union. The teachers were on the warpath anyway. The pre-game ceremony at Sunday's Super Bowl was so patriotic it threatened to undo an entire year of public school education.

 

The Academy Awards will be at the Nokia Theater in Hollywood at the end of the month. This year something extra's added. After the awards for Best Actress, Best Actor and the Best Picture are presented, they will hand out the biggest award of the night, the Trump Retaliatory Tweet Award.

 

Elizabeth Warren claimed Jeff Sessions won't defend minority rights Tuesday. She lied about being a Cherokee to get on Ivy League law faculties. If you think Indians are angry about the name Redskins, wait till Warren is president and the band plays Hail to the Chief when she enters the room.

 

-- Argus Hamilton

 

After yesterday's closely fought Super Bowl, the Patriots were congratulated by Donald Trump. And the Falcons got a call from Hillary saying, "Welcome to my world, fellas."

 

Last night, Sen. Mitch McConnell silenced Sen. Elizabeth Warren using an old Senate rule. It's the 1930s statute known as "No Mouthy Broads."

 

Yesterday, without mentioning Donald Trump, Pope Francis urged everyone to build bridges, not walls. So today, without mentioning the Pope, Donald Trump said, "Francis is a girl's name."

 

-- Conan

 

This is what President Obama has been up to: kite surfing in the Virgin Islands with Richard Branson. [shows photos of kite-surfing, laughing Obama] Look at him, not an Obama care in the world.

 

-- Jimmy Kimmel

 

 

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(Thank you, jphunt)

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