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This Thread Brought To You By The Letter P:
In Case You Missed It Dept.:
Erin Andrews sued the man who secretly videotaped her with a peephole camera while she was nude in hotel rooms. It extended her career and made her more popular than ever. Barack Obama just invited the Peeping Tom to tape him through the Oval Office windows.
BP capped the gushing well in the Gulf of Mexico Thursday. It was a victory of business and government. The oil company was able to go a mile underwater and shut off the well and the president was able to shave three strokes off his golf score.
Washington D.C. government workers and lobbyists and journalists were polled about their outlooks on America Monday. The polls shows the D.C. elite think the president's doing a great job, the economy's improving and the president will be re-elected. Most people can't get this high without a celebrity doctor and a prescription for Propofol.
The White House made plans Monday to send the National Guard to Arizona's border next month. The troops will have desk jobs. Now they just have to figure out how to get two hundred thousand illegal aliens a year to stop at the desk on their way in.
Hillary Clinton awarded Pakistan a huge U.S. aid grant at a Central Asian summit in Kabul Monday. We want nothing in return. The U.S. gave up trying to extract Osama bin Laden from Pakistan after we couldn't even extract Roman Polanski from Switzerland.
Washington D.C. was shaken by a minor earthquake Friday which rattled government buildings for thirty seconds. Seismologists say they had no idea there's a fissure in the earth running beneath the capital. Democrats immediately named it Bush's Fault.
The White House decided Sunday to defend the new health care law's insurance mandate as a tax. It forces you to buy an insurance policy from a private company, and it's enforced by the IRS. If Paul Revere rode tonight he'd be warning the townspeple of Lexington and Concord that the British health care system is coming.
The National Enquirer reported Monday that two more massage therapists accused Al Gore of sexually assaulting them when they came to his hotel room. He says their stories are not true. All he did was take off his towel to show them his weather vane.
Glenn Beck said Tuesday he's been diagnosed with macular dystrophy which could eventually blind him. This is very bad news for Democrats. The only thing that scares liberals more than Glenn Beck is Glenn Beck with a German shepherd at his side.
Great Britain's Prime Minister David Cameron was a hit speaking to White House tourists Tuesday. He said he loves America and everything it's done for the world. So there are some differences he has with President Obama which can never be bridged.
The White House forced a black Agriculture Department employee to resign Tuesday over racism charges although she was clearly innocent. It's another historic first for President Obama. He could be the first Democratic president to lose England, Israel and the black vote.
President Obama thanked the Senate for extending unemployment benefits to jobless Americans. He was sincere. He's grateful that members of his administration won't have to go on food stamps between the time they're fired and the time they're rehired.
The Statue of Liberty in New York was evacuated Wednesday when an alarm went off falsely indicating the presence of smoke. It was misinterpreted. The alarm in the Statue of Liberty goes off whenever President Obama signs a law taking over something.
BP neared completion of its Gulf of Mexico relief well Thursday. The low point was in June when waterfowl were shown on the beaches covered with oil. President Obama saw part of the videotape and told the Agriculture Secretary to fire the birds.
President Obama was criticized by gulf businessmen for choosing to vacation in Maine last weekend instead of at the gulf beaches as Michelle urged everyone. It's easy to see why. President Obama sees himself as a great man and great men integrate Maine.
-- Argus Hamilton
Someone in Utah is sending an anonymous letter to state lawmakers with names of people who are suspected to be illegal immigrants. Some lawmakers saw members of their own communities on the list and were like “No way — Jose?”
The Obamas invited Broadway stars to perform at the White House. Unfortunately, things got a little awkward when Barack told one lady how great she was in “Wicked," then realized it was just Nancy Pelosi.
-- Jimmy Fallon
Dick Cheney is recovering from heart surgery in the hospital. I understand Fox sent flowers, and MSNBC sent a large pepperoni pizza with extra cheese.
According to a study by the Brookings institution, Washington D.C. has the highest concentration of smart people in the United States. Let's see; we have a mess in the Gulf, we have a dysfunctional Homeland Security, and we are $13 trillion in debt. Imagine how bad it would be if theses people weren't geniuses.
Former Illinois Gov. Rod Blagojevich did not testify at his trial. He wanted to testify, but he sold his seat at the court for $100,000.
Have you guys seen this show “White House Apprentice?” It’s a lot like the other “Apprentice,” but on this one, when the boss fires you, he offers you your job back a day later.
-- Leno
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"DOCTORS & UNEMPLOYED" !!!
An Israeli doctor says:
"Medicine in my country is so advanced that we can take a kidney out of one man, put it in another, and have him looking for work in six weeks."
A German doctor says:
"That is nothing; we can take a lung out of one person, put it in another, and have him looking for work in four weeks."
A Russian doctor says:
"In my country, medicine is so advanced that we can take half a heart out of one person, put it in another, and have them both looking for work in two weeks."
An ILLINOIS doctor says:
"You guys are way behind. We recently took a man with no brains out of ILLINOIS, put him in the White House and within SIX MONTHS, half the COUNTRY is looking for work."
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An economics professor at a local college made a statement that he had never failed a single student before, but had recently failed an entire class. That class had insisted that Obama's socialism worked and that no one would be poor and no one would be rich, a great equalizer.
The professor then said, "OK, we will have an experiment in this class on Obama's plan". All grades would be averaged and everyone would receive the same grade so no one would fail and no one would receive an A.
After the first test, the grades were averaged and everyone got a B. The students who studied hard were upset and the students who studied little were happy. As the second test rolled around, the students who studied little had studied even less and the ones who studied hard decided they wanted a free ride too so they studied little.
The second test average was a D! No one was happy. When the 3rd test rolled around, the average was an F.
As the tests proceeded, the scores never increased as bickering, blame and name-calling all resulted in hard feelings and no one would study for the benefit of anyone else.
All failed, to their great surprise, and the professor told them that socialism would also ultimately fail because when the reward is great, the effort to succeed is great, but when government takes all the reward away, no one will try or want to succeed.
Could not be any simpler than that. Remember, there is a test coming up. The mid-term election in 2010!
(Thank you, Chickadee)
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